040: Why We Don’t Have to Feel Inadequate When We Get Rejected


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Being accepted or rejected isn’t actually connected to our sense of worth at all.

Applying for jobs has never been an enjoyable task for me. I spent almost 20hrs on a job application this week with 4 hours spent on just the cover letter alone.

I was overworking every aspect of the application because I knew that if it was rejected I would feel that I should have been better in some way, that the rejection was a reflection of me not trying hard enough and that I was inadequate.

But me receiving a rejection is not connected to my feelings of worth at all… Unless I feel it is.

I know I’m not alone on this.

The good news is we don’t have to feel inadequate at all.

Rejection is not a sign of inadequacy but simply another person’s interpretation of the small part of us we’ve presented to them.

In this episode, I uncover the reason why we feel inadequate following a rejection and how we can change our default reaction of inadequacy into, I’m good enough no matter what happens.

Show Notes

Click a time marker to jump to that section of the podcast.

  • I really did not want to put myself in a position where I could be accepted or rejected. 2:30
  • I reminded myself that I am good enough no matter what the outcome is. 4:33
  • I make myself feel not good enough based on my beliefs of what that rejection means to me. 5:50
  • It’s easy to see the decisions made by an authority figure as more accurate than your own understanding of yourself. 10:11
  • I wanted to know why I feel lower and less than when I feel rejected. How did this start? 11:44

If we only receive praise for our achievements, it’s easy to think when we aren’t achieving we aren’t worthy of praise or acknowledgement. 13:42

  • “If I praise my kids for doing nothing then they won’t feel like doing anything.” 14:50
  • We adapt ourselves in any way that’s required to receive love because we know that we need love to survive. 16:26
  • How do I rebalance my own achievement bias? 17:55
  • I’m curating a guide of the most powerful reminders for relieving anxiety, overwhelm and nonstop thinking. 21:27


Featured image by Christian Stefanescu
Licensed under Creative Commons (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

The Podcast

The B is for Being Podcast is a collection of conversations with friends, psychologists, and thought-leaders on the most effective tools for uncovering authentic expression and navigating the obstacles we may encounter on the way to discovering ourselves.

About Benjamin

Hi, I’m Benjamin. I podcast and blog about authentic expression and self-discovery. I also make slow-videos for rest and reflection. You can read more about me here.

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