B is for Being https://bisforbeing.com Uncovering Authentic Expression – Ben is on a quest to uncover his authenticity after spending most of his life blocked by crippling self-doubt and anxiety. Fri, 22 May 2020 06:46:27 +0000 en hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.4.1 Benjamin is on a quest to uncover his authenticity after spending most of his life blocked by crippling self-doubt and anxiety. He talks with friends, psychologists, and thought leaders about the most effective tools for uncovering authentic expression. Benjamin Hammersley clean episodic Benjamin Hammersley benjamin@bisforbeing.com benjamin@bisforbeing.com (Benjamin Hammersley) Benjamin Hammersley Uncovering Authentic Expression TV-G Perth, Australia 055: Kemane Bâ – On Slow Growth, Self-Honesty, and Practices for Restoring Inner Harmony https://bisforbeing.com/p/kemane-ba Fri, 10 Jan 2020 22:03:28 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=6408 https://bisforbeing.com/p/kemane-ba#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/kemane-ba/feed 0 Kemane Bâ (@kemaneba) is an artist, musician, and multi-talented being who is deep on the journey of self-discovery. Kemane has a passion for teaching art and removing the internal obstacles to allow creativity to flow. He lives off-grid in his self-built garden hut in Frankfurt, Germany and is the founder of the Konduktum – an online learning 'playground' for artists to learn and share from each other's artistic experiences while developing their technical skills. I first learned about Kemane through the marvellous Simon Höfer while I was living in Berlin. Simon told me of Kemane's various explorations into consciousness during dreams states and meditation, and also introduced me to his creative work. In each animation, painting, and song, I sensed Kemane's deep appreciation and curiosity for life. Kemane's art has frequently brought me to states of wondrous calm and has been a reminder for me to walk gently on my journey. It's now been four years that I've followed Kemane's work online and I've finally invited him to the podcast - and I'm very glad I did! In this long-form discussion, we dive deep into the origins of Kemane's journey, different approaches to self-growth, daytime lucidity, social media fasting, and much more. Please enjoy this nutritious discussion with the delightful Kemane Bâ. Kemane Bâ (@kemaneba) is an artist, musician, and multi-talented being who is deep on the journey of self-discovery. Kemane has a passion for teaching art and removing the internal obstacles to allow creativity to flow.
"I believe slow growth is the only actual growth. When something grows super fast, I think, 'Did it actually grow? Or did it explode?'" – Kemane Bâ

Kemane Bâ (@kemaneba) is an artist, musician, and multi-talented being who is deep on the journey of self-discovery. Kemane has a passion for teaching art and removing the internal obstacles to allow creativity to flow. He lives off-grid in his self-built garden hut in Frankfurt, Germany and is the founder of the Konduktum – an online learning 'playground' for artists to learn and share from each other's artistic experiences while developing their technical skills.


I first learned about Kemane through the marvellous Simon Höfer while I was living in Berlin. Simon told me of Kemane's various explorations into consciousness during dreams states and meditation, and also introduced me to his creative work.

In each animation, painting, and song, I sensed Kemane's deep appreciation and curiosity for life. Kemane's art has frequently brought me to states of wondrous calm and has been a reminder for me to walk gently on my journey.

It's now been four years that I've followed Kemane's work online and I've finally invited him to the podcast - and I'm very glad I did!

In this long-form discussion, we dive deep into the origins of Kemane's journey, different approaches to self-growth, daytime lucidity, social media fasting, and much more.

Please enjoy this nutritious discussion with the delightful Kemane Bâ.





Show Notes

Click a timecode to listen (audio only)



* Introduction to Kemane [00:10]
* Kemane's journey of self-discovery [10:56]
* Unpleasant experiences for personal growth [31:36]
* The organic unfolding of self - slow growth [39:29]
* Using the dream realm as a tool for self-discovery - practicing daytime lucidity [48:07]
* Kemane speaks about the influence of his mother and father [54:13]
* Tiny tour of Kemane's off-grid hut [57:42]
* The power of belief systems [59:46]
* Helpful environments and experiences for returning to our inner-harmony [01:03:51]
* The process of healing mental and emotional trauma [01:20:25]
* Social media fasting, and the pitfalls of cutting things out of our lives [01:31:14]
* The process of identifying limiting beliefs [01:45:49]
* Kemane speaks about Gemüse Helden (Vegetable Heroes) and the permaculture garden where he lives [01:50:44]
* The nature of self can feel lonely at times [01:52:58]
* "Take it slow." Kemane shares advice for starting the journey of self-discovery [01:55:38]
* Creating resonance for slowing down - Slow Videos [02:08:12]
* Mental stamina - an occupied mind can be a happy mind [02:12:14]
* Becoming aware of the cycle we are in - a cycle of external-service or a cycle of internal-service [02:23:17]
* Kemane shares the advice he would give to a younger version of himself [
Benjamin Hammersley, Kemane Ba clean 2:50:10
054: Welcome to B is for Being Version 2 https://bisforbeing.com/p/054-welcome-to-b-is-for-being-version-2 Mon, 22 Apr 2019 07:29:18 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=5536 https://bisforbeing.com/p/054-welcome-to-b-is-for-being-version-2#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/054-welcome-to-b-is-for-being-version-2/feed 0 Take a tour of the new home of B is for Being. We start this episode with a realisation which has brought more compassion to my creative process and removed the pressure from me to produce content on a hard deadline. Then, we take a tour of the new site of B is for Being. I guide you through each section of the site, including a brand new section dedicated to rest and reflection. If this is your first time on the site, this episode will provide a good overview of B is for Being. Hit play and let's dive in! The Realisation Which Brought Compassion to My Creative Process How I burned myself out and caused myself creative trauma. [01:22] The realisation which changed the way I look at creating. [02:53] Doubts! Others will lose interest if I don't release content on a regular schedule! [05:20] Trusting the people who are interested in what I'm saying, creating, making, will make the time to watch or listen. [06:20] Tour of B is for Being Version 2 Introduction to the new site. [07:30] Podcast - Conversations with friends, psychologists, and thought leaders on authentic expression and self-discovery. [08:07] Slow Video - Gentle videos for rest and reflection. (An essential part of my self-discovery process.) [08:50] Blog - An open journal of thoughts and observations as I uncover my authenticity. Including how I'm navigating the obstacles which come up along the way. [12:11] Selected Links from this Episode Slow Videos on B is for Being Slow Videos on YouTube Take a tour of the new home of B is for Being. We start this episode with a realisation which has brought more compassion to my creative process and removed the pressure from me to produce content on a hard deadline. Then,
We start this episode with a realisation which has brought more compassion to my creative process and removed the pressure from me to produce content on a hard deadline.

Then, we take a tour of the new site of B is for Being. I guide you through each section of the site, including a brand new section dedicated to rest and reflection.

If this is your first time on the site, this episode will provide a good overview of B is for Being.

Hit play and let's dive in!

The Realisation Which Brought Compassion to My Creative Process


* How I burned myself out and caused myself creative trauma. [
01:22]
* The realisation which changed the way I look at creating. [02:53]
* Doubts! Others will lose interest if I don't release content on a regular schedule! [05:20]
* Trusting the people who are interested in what I'm saying, creating, making, will make the time to watch or listen. [06:20]


Tour of B is for Being Version 2


* Introduction to the new site. [07:30]
* Podcast - Conversations with friends, psychologists, and thought leaders on authentic expression and self-discovery. [08:07]
* Slow Video - Gentle videos for rest and reflection. (An essential part of my self-discovery process.) [08:50]
* Blog - An open journal of thoughts and observations as I uncover my authenticity. Including how I'm navigating the obstacles which come up along the way. [12:11]


Selected Links from this Episode


* Slow Videos on B is for Being
* Slow Videos on YouTube
]]> Benjamin Hammersley clean 16:30 053: Pausing the Podcast + The Courage to Create (new video series) https://bisforbeing.com/p/053-pausing-the-podcast-upcoming-new-video-series-the-courage-to-create Tue, 22 Aug 2017 21:00:42 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=2174 https://bisforbeing.com/p/053-pausing-the-podcast-upcoming-new-video-series-the-courage-to-create#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/053-pausing-the-podcast-upcoming-new-video-series-the-courage-to-create/feed 0 I've been on an extended break from the podcast after burning myself out. I realised I was forcing myself to produce episode after episode from a place of fear instead of a genuine desire to create. I forced myself to keep producing episodes because I thought if I stopped, you might lose interest in what I’m doing and never come back. Sounds familiar, right? So in this episode, I explain what kept me in this fear as well as the new agreement I've made with myself to stop creating if I’m not having fun or being kind to myself. Also, did somebody say ‘new video series?’ Yes, yes they did! Tune-in to learn about the new series where I will be exploring the courage to express my creativity openly. (Note: Apologies for the clicking sound in this episode. I recorded this with my earbuds and the microphone was tapping against the zip of my jacket every time I moved :/) I've been on an extended break from the podcast after burning myself out. - I realised I was forcing myself to produce episode after episode from a place of fear instead of a genuine desire to create. - I forced myself to keep producing episodes beca...
I've been on an extended break from the podcast after burning myself out.

I realised I was forcing myself to produce episode after episode from a place of fear instead of a genuine desire to create.

I forced myself to keep producing episodes because I thought if I stopped, you might lose interest in what I’m doing and never come back. Sounds familiar, right?

So in this episode, I explain what kept me in this fear as well as the new agreement I've made with myself to stop creating if I’m not having fun or being kind to myself.

Also, did somebody say ‘new video series?’ Yes, yes they did! Tune-in to learn about the new series where I will be exploring the courage to express my creativity openly.

(Note: Apologies for the clicking sound in this episode. I recorded this with my earbuds and the microphone was tapping against the zip of my jacket every time I moved :/)

Show Highlights

Click on a time marker to hear the full podcast


* Why you haven’t heard from me in a while 00:52
* I’m not creating anything unless it feels fun 04:28
* I’m starting a new video series 06:49
* Why would I not create the very thing I want to create? 10:29
* There was a lot of shame thrown around in my family environment so it takes courage to stepout and express myself creatively. 15:40
* The Courage to Create 18:03


Mentioned in This Episode


* Free Flow Fridays Series
* B is for Being on YouTube (watch this space for the new video series!)
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Benjamin Hammersley clean 23:32
052: The Most Effective Technique for Relieving Anxiety https://bisforbeing.com/p/052-the-most-effective-technique-for-relieving-anxiety Sat, 17 Jun 2017 21:03:53 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=2157 https://bisforbeing.com/p/052-the-most-effective-technique-for-relieving-anxiety#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/052-the-most-effective-technique-for-relieving-anxiety/feed 0 I've struggled with anxiety for the greater part of my life.It wasn't until I went through a particularly anxious period that I went on a search to find an 'off' button for my incessant anxious thinking.I discovered that by bringing my attention to the present moment the intensity of my anxiety began to lessen. Over time, by continuing to practice present moment awareness, I’ve experienced such a significant reduction in my anxious thinking that I often forget how much I was suffering previously.In this episode, I share how we can use the present moment to diminish the power of our anxiety and begin experiencing effective relief from our worrisome thoughts.Disclaimer: The technique outlined in this episode assumes that a low, to moderate level of anxiety is present. Practicing this technique may become difficult when experiencing high levels of anxiety. I've struggled with anxiety for the greater part of my life.It wasn't until I went through a particularly anxious period that I went on a search to find an 'off' button for my incessant anxious thinking.I discovered that by bringing my attention to the...
I've struggled with anxiety for the greater part of my life.

It wasn't until I went through a particularly anxious period that I went on a search to find an 'off' button for my incessant anxious thinking.

I discovered that by bringing my attention to the present moment the intensity of my anxiety began to lessen. Over time, by continuing to practice present moment awareness, I’ve experienced such a significant reduction in my anxious thinking that I often forget how much I was suffering previously.

In this episode, I share how we can use the present moment to diminish the power of our anxiety and begin experiencing effective relief from our worrisome thoughts.

Disclaimer: The technique outlined in this episode assumes that a low, to moderate level of anxiety is present. Practicing this technique may become difficult when experiencing high levels of anxiety.

Show Notes

Click on a time marker to hear the full podcast

What is Anxiety? 05:04

Anxiety is the experience which is caused by imagining the possibility of something unpleasant happening at a future point in time.

How the experience of anxiety begins and becomes stronger:


* We have a thought about something unpleasant happening (this thought can be conscious or sub-conscious).
* Our body has a physiological reaction to the thought (a sensation in the body).
* We react to the unpleasant sensation in the body with anxious thoughts on what the sensation could mean.
* Our body has an even stronger physiological reaction to the increased anxiety of our thoughts.
* We react with even more anxious thinking about what these increased sensations could mean.
* The cycle continues…


Anxiety Appears to Be a True Representation of Reality 11:34


* Anxiety is our own synthesised layer of reality which we unconsciously super-impose onto reality itself.
* Imagine a tree, just existing in nature. If we imagine that tree is a happy tree, we will begin to notice all of the happy attributes of the tree. On the other hand, if we imagine the tree is a sad tree, we will begin to notice all of the tree’s sad attributes.
* We create a layer of reality which influences how we perceive objects that exist in objective reality.
* When I realised my anxiety was a layer I was overlaying onto objective events, I realised that my anxious experience was only determined by the layer I had created and was not determined by actuality itself.


The Most Effective Technique for Relieving Anxiety 16:42


* The present moment is the most effective technique for relieving anxiety.


Anxiety depends on the future projection of something bad happening. If we take away the future point in time, we remove energy from our anxiety and begin to feel some relief.


* By observing the present moment, we can begin to experience the separation between our anxiety and what is actually occurring around us.


What is The Present Moment? 18:44


* The present moment is not a thing. It can’t be had, gotten or discovered. The present moment is an experience to be experienced.
* The present moment is occurring all the time wherever we go. It’s a tool which follows us wherever we go.
* We perceive the present moment with our senses.


How to Practice Using The Present Moment to Relieve Anxiety 20:42


* An important note: We are not trying to bypass our anxiety with the present moment.
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Benjamin Hammersley clean 37:38
051: Why I Started Keeping a Compliments Journal https://bisforbeing.com/p/051-why-i-started-keeping-a-compliments-journal Sat, 03 Jun 2017 21:06:53 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=2112 https://bisforbeing.com/p/051-why-i-started-keeping-a-compliments-journal#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/051-why-i-started-keeping-a-compliments-journal/feed 0 A short episode outlining the benefits of recording the compliments we receive.After realising how much negative self-talk I was doing, I went searching for some ways to bring more positivity back into the picture.I didn’t expect that writing down the compliments I received would have such a great effect on my self-worth and provide me with a source of support during times of intense self-doubt.In this episode, I let you know why I started keeping a compliments journal and how it’s allowed me to receive the nice things people say about me, while simultaneously reducing my bias towards self-negativity. A short episode outlining the benefits of recording the compliments we receive.After realising how much negative self-talk I was doing, I went searching for some ways to bring more positivity back into the picture.
After realising how much negative self-talk I was doing, I went searching for some ways to bring more positivity back into the picture.

I didn’t expect that writing down the compliments I received would have such a great effect on my self-worth and provide me with a source of support during times of intense self-doubt.

In this episode, I let you know why I started keeping a compliments journal and how it’s allowed me to receive the nice things people say about me, while simultaneously reducing my bias towards self-negativity.


Show Notes

Click on a time marker to hear the full podcast

I Have a Hard Time Receiving Compliments 01:15


* After I had started keeping a compliments journal, I found it became easier to accept the compliments given to me.
* I would diminish the value of compliments I received by saying, “Other people can do the same thing. I'm not that special.”
* By doing that, I’m telling the other person that I am not receiving their compliment. I do this because I don’t feel worthy of receiving such high praise.


Challenging My Level of Self-Worth 02:31


* I carry a lot of self-worth in certain areas of my life, but in others, my level of self-worth feels very low.
* In areas of low self-worth, it’s very difficult for me to accept compliments from others.
* I confront my current level of self-worth every time I write down a compliment.
* It felt awkward when I first started writing compliments down. However, the act of writing down a compliment began to familiarise me to receive them.


How to Keep a Compliments Journal 04:23


* I recommend writing down the compliments in a small notebook.
* Write down every compliment you receive.
* When you receive a compliment, write down:

* The compliment
* Who gave it to you
* The context in which you received the compliment
* The date




Why I Started Keeping a Compliments Journal 06:00


* When the level of my negative self-talk became too much for me, I decided something needed to change.
* I realised I wouldn’t tolerate someone else talking so negatively to me, so why do I talk that way to myself?
* At that point, keeping a compliments journal seemed like a good choice to address my self-negativity.


The Benefits 07:22


* There are multiple benefits which begin to occur as a result of keeping a compliments journal.

* Your current level of self-worth will be challenged and expanded.
* When you’re going through self-doubt, it serves as a potent reminder of the value you already have inside you.
* It balances out a bias towards self-negativity by also reminding you of the positive things people are saying about you.




Mentioned in This Episode


* The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
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Benjamin Hammersley clean 11:52
050: Why Do I Feel Worthless When I’m Told I Need to Improve? https://bisforbeing.com/p/050-why-do-i-feel-worthless-when-im-told-i-need-to-improve Sat, 27 May 2017 21:01:08 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=2079 https://bisforbeing.com/p/050-why-do-i-feel-worthless-when-im-told-i-need-to-improve#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/050-why-do-i-feel-worthless-when-im-told-i-need-to-improve/feed 0 I had my first performance review at work this week.After receiving feedback that I needed to improve in certain areas, I felt my self-worth drop. However, my supervisors weren't unhappy with me nor had they delivered an ultimatum that I either improve or lose my job.I left work with a big question: Why does our competency in certain areas of life dictate our level of self-worth? In this episode, I take a walk through the city and break down what was behind my feelings of worthlessness. I also share my thoughts on how particular parenting styles serve to connect a child's actions with their sense of worth, and how this connection can be broken by practicing self-acceptance. I had my first performance review at work this week.After receiving feedback that I needed to improve in certain areas, I felt my self-worth drop. However, my supervisors weren't unhappy with me nor had they delivered an ultimatum that I either improve...
I had my first performance review at work this week.

After receiving feedback that I needed to improve in certain areas, I felt my self-worth drop. However, my supervisors weren't unhappy with me nor had they delivered an ultimatum that I either improve or lose my job.

I left work with a big question:
Why does our competency in certain areas of life dictate our level of self-worth?


In this episode, I take a walk through the city and break down what was behind my feelings of worthlessness. I also share my thoughts on how particular parenting styles serve to connect a child's actions with their sense of worth, and how this connection can be broken by practicing self-acceptance.


Show Notes

Click on a time marker to hear the full podcast

The Performance Review 01:32


* The performance review required my supervisors and myself to fill out the same form. If a certain area of feedback didn’t match on the two forms then we would discuss that area of the job.
* I felt good about the work I’d done over the previous two months and was feeling positive about the review.
* There were four ratings for each area of the job

* Requires improvement
* Satisfactory
* Good
* Outstanding


* About 10 minutes into the performance review, I realised there were quite a few areas of feedback which differed.


“These Areas Need Improvement” 03:46


* My supervisors had rated me as ‘requires improvement’ in quite a few areas.
* I knew I wouldn’t receive positive feedback in every area but I didn’t expect to rate in the ‘requires improvement’ section as I have been putting in a lot of effort at work.
* They weren’t unhappy with me, they were simply stating these areas of your job require improvement.


The Reaction 05:18


* I went into shutdown mode.
* They were talking to me but I wasn’t able to process the feedback they were giving me.
* I was familiar with this shutdown feeling as it happened a lot to me as a kid.
* While doing maths homework as a kid, I remember desperately wanting to understand how to work out the maths problem to ease the tension of the parent who was trying to help me, and who had become frustrated that I wasn’t understanding how to work it out.


They Weren’t Angry 06:51


* The feeling I had during the performance review was very similar, the only difference was my supervisors weren’t becoming stressed or freaking out.
* They continued to give me feedback but I realised I still wasn’t able to process what they were saying.
* I had to ask them to repeat what they’d said as I was still processing the initial feedback they’d given me.


I Became Proactive in Receiving Their Feedback 08:51


* It felt good to let them know what was going on for me. They had no problem repeating their feedback and I realised they still weren’t freaking out or getting mad.
* I began actively taking notes on the feedback they were giving me and ensured I’d recorded all of it. Actively taking in their feedback on the areas my areas of improvement took me out of feeling like I was just little kid who was always making mistakes and needed to try harder.


Why Is Our Self-Worth Attached to Our Ability to Do Things? 09:53


* Why does my level of self-worth drop when I’m told I need to improve something I’m doing.
* I’m reading clean 24:35
049: Why Do I Stop Sharing Myself Authentically with You? https://bisforbeing.com/p/049-why-do-i-stop-sharing-myself-authentically-with-you Sat, 20 May 2017 21:02:08 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=2077 https://bisforbeing.com/p/049-why-do-i-stop-sharing-myself-authentically-with-you#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/049-why-do-i-stop-sharing-myself-authentically-with-you/feed 0 You might have realised by now, expressing myself authentically is pretty important.I’ve written about it many times on the site, yet I find myself drifting back into not speaking and writing from my current level of knowledge and understanding. I change how I write and speak to sound like I know more than you about the topics I share.In this episode, I explore the reasons why I stop sharing myself authentically with you, and how my inauthenticity always guides me back to being myself. You might have realised by now, expressing myself authentically is pretty important.I’ve written about it many times on the site, yet I find myself drifting back into not speaking and writing from my current level of knowledge and understanding.
You might have realised by now, expressing myself authentically is pretty important.

I’ve written about it many times on the site, yet I find myself drifting back into not speaking and writing from my current level of knowledge and understanding. I change how I write and speak to sound like I know more than you about the topics I share.

In this episode, I explore the reasons why I stop sharing myself authentically with you, and how my inauthenticity always guides me back to being myself.


Show Notes

Background to This Episode
01:24


* The way I’ve been talking in the last few episodes wasn’t authentic to me. You probably wouldn’t have noticed it but it’s really important for me because It hasn’t felt like I have been sharing myself in a way that’s true to my current level of knowledge.


I Feel I’ve Been Telling You What to Do 03:57


* In the last few episodes, I’ve directed instructions at you.
* Listening back to those episodes, I didn’t feel they were a true representation of me at that point in time.
* I was talking as a teacher, with a tone of authority as if I knew everything about the subject.
* I do know helpful techniques for stepping out of fear, anxiety and doubt, but I don’t know everything about these subjects.


I Shouldn’t Be Surprised That I’m Still Struggling With Authenticity 05:28


* There is no 100% authentic stage for anyone in life.
* I want to be real when I speak; true to my current level of knowledge and represent that on the outside.
* It’s ironic that in the previous episode, I spoke about being critical of another person for not being true to their current level of knowledge.


Why Do I Keep Slipping Back Into Not Being Myself? 07:57


* I’ve written about not being true to myself and spoken about it before but over time, I keep slipping back into it.
* It starts when I begin doubting the quality of my content is good enough for people. As a result, I begin to overproduce the content.


Authentic Self-Expression Is an Important Theme in My Life 08:59


* It's important for me to express what’s inside me truthfully on the outside. I’m not talking about sharing every detail of my life. It’s about me representing what’s true for me in this moment.
* It feels like I’m lying to people when I present myself in another way to how I’m feeling in this moment. If I present myself as feeling confident and in control when I don't feel that way, that would feel like I’m lying with my words and actions.
* When I don’t present myself truthfully, it feels bad to me. So it’s become important for me to work out how to present myself truthfully.


How Does it Feel When You’re Being Authentic? 12:01


* There’s a sense of ease. There’s a sense of connection with myself as well as the person I’m talking with.
* There’s a flow to my words and I won't be stopping and starting as much. I’ll also be listening to the next thing I’m going to say.
* I feel present with what’s happening in that moment; I’m aware of where I am and what’s going on around me.
* It’s difficult for someone to know what’s authentic and what isn’t for another person. You don’t know if what I’m saying is true to how I feel inside.


The Ways in Which I’m Inauthentic 14:00


* When I write in a way which implies I know everything about a subject, or I talk in a way which implies I always use the techniques I s...]]> Benjamin Hammersley clean 30:14 048: Why Am I So Critical of Others? https://bisforbeing.com/p/048-why-am-i-so-critical-of-others Sat, 13 May 2017 21:01:28 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=2056 https://bisforbeing.com/p/048-why-am-i-so-critical-of-others#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/048-why-am-i-so-critical-of-others/feed 0 I went to a workshop about overcoming fear.While I was there, I became highly critical and judgemental of a particular person who was sitting calmly, meditating, and sharing helpful techniques on how to overcome fear.What?!Why was I being so critical of a person who wasn’t doing anything to annoy me or make me feel uncomfortable?This episode is a live exploration of the feelings which came up during the workshop, and an attempt to explore the deeper roots of my critical judgements. I went to a workshop about overcoming fear.While I was there, I became highly critical and judgemental of a particular person who was sitting calmly, meditating, and sharing helpful techniques on how to overcome fear.What?!
I went to a workshop about overcoming fear.

While I was there, I became highly critical and judgemental of a particular person who was sitting calmly, meditating, and sharing helpful techniques on how to overcome fear.

What?!

Why was I being so critical of a person who wasn’t doing anything to annoy me or make me feel uncomfortable?

This episode is a live exploration of the feelings which came up during the workshop, and an attempt to explore the deeper roots of my critical judgements.



Show Notes

Something Which Scares Me 04:58


* It scares me when a person understands a lot of information intellectually but hasn't embodied that knowledge for themselves. Then they present that information to others as if they understand it completely.
* My fear didn’t come up as fear at first, it surfaced as an extreme critical judgement of others.
* I experienced extreme critical judgement for someone who was sitting calmly and meditating.


Why Was I Feeling So Critical of This Person? 05:50


* Even when they were sharing helpful insights on coming through fear, I felt they were being incredibly fake.
* I felt they were reciting what they had read and practiced but it wasn’t a full understanding of what those words actually meant.
* I sensed they were upholding a story of who they thought they were and how they wanted others to perceive them.


The Signs I Look for Which Indicate Someone’s Being Authentic 09:54


* Is the person representing their internal experience on the outside, for others to see? If not, why?
* A feeling of distrust comes up for me when I sense someone isn’t in-tune with what’s inside them.
* I’m not suggesting that people should share their every thought and feeling, or their deepest darkest secrets. Simply to acknowledge their current level of knowledge and honestly represent their current emotional state.
* The person I reacted to was presenting themselves as a spiritual master. It seemed the story of them being perceived as a master, was greater than the knowledge they had actually internalised for themselves.


Why Did I React So Critically to This Person? 13:20


* I was aware that, separate to my emotional reactions, this person was genuinely calm and at peace. They were also sharing helpful things with other people.


I could see that my reactions of anger and frustration didn’t match the reality of what was actually occurring.


* When I realised this, I turned my attention back to myself to understand what was occurring.


I’ve Done the Same Thing Myself! 15:32


* After reading The Power of Now, I was telling people about the information I’d read as if I’d known it for years.
* I didn’t feel I was being inauthentic in the moment but I also didn’t have a full understanding of what I was talking about.
* When someone would ask me to explain what I was talking about in more detail, I realised I didn’t know everything about the subject I was talking about; I hadn’t internalised the information for myself, I was simply re-presenting the information I’d read.
* A question for myself: Why do I need to understand something completely before I can tell other people about it?
* This dynamic has come up for me before. In Episode 36, I explored similar judgements which came up while I was listening to other people talk about sp...]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 23:41
047: 6 Ways to Be a Friend to Yourself https://bisforbeing.com/p/047-6-ways-friend Sat, 06 May 2017 21:02:47 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=2046 https://bisforbeing.com/p/047-6-ways-friend#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/047-6-ways-friend/feed 0 I remember when I started to do friendly things for myself consciously it felt a bit awkward. But when I began experiencing some big positive changes I knew I was doing something very right.The most significant change (which I didn't see coming) was being able to express myself more freely around other people. Instead of overthinking how to say what I wanted to say, I would just say it.I realised later this was happening because I wasn't as concerned about other people’s thoughts and ideas because I was providing myself with the validation and support that I needed when I needed it.Over the years I've continued exploring the different ways of being a self-friend, and in this episode, I share some of the most effective ways I've discovered for developing this friendship and the situations in which they can be used.I’ve also included some of the small yet powerful internal actions which I often overlooked when I first started this self-friendly exploration. I remember when I started to do friendly things for myself consciously it felt a bit awkward. But when I began experiencing some big positive changes I knew I was doing something very right.The most significant change (which I didn't see coming) was be...
I remember when I started to do friendly things for myself it felt a bit awkward. But when I began experiencing some big positive changes I knew I was doing something very right.

The most significant change (which I didn't see coming) was being able to express myself more freely around other people. Instead of overthinking how to say what I wanted to say, I would just say it. Retrospectively, I realised this was happening because I wasn't as concerned with other people’s thoughts and ideas about me, as I was providing myself with validation and support as I needed it.

Over the years I've continued exploring the different ways of being a self-friend, and in this episode, I share some of the most effective ways I've discovered for developing this friendship along with the situations in which they can be used.

I’ve also included some of the small yet powerful internal actions which I often overlooked when I first started this self-friendly exploration.


Show Notes

Click a time marker to hear the full podcast.

Self-Friendship 101 00:59


* A good rule of thumb is: treat yourself the same way you would treat a good friend.
* I only discovered it was possible to have a friendship with myself at the age of 27. Once I began treating myself like a friend I experienced huge positive shifts occur in my life. I no longer cared as much about what other people thought about me.


The quality of your relationship with yourself will dictate the quality of all other relationships in your life.


* If you’re treating yourself with compassion and kindness, the chances are high that you’ll also treat the people around you with the same level of compassion and kindness. On the other hand, if you’re not so kind to yourself you may find you have less compassion and kindness for those around you.


1. Ask Yourself What You Need 03:50


* Taking a moment to ask yourself what you need is a friend-making action.
* Imagine a friend that’s having a rough day, you would ask them what they need and then listen to their answer. Doing the same thing for yourself is a self-befriending action.
* The more we ask ourselves this question and provide ourselves with what we need, the easier it becomes to do it in the future.
* It’s easy to dismiss the small internal actions we take for ourselves. However, they’re often the most powerful.


2. Take Yourself Out of Unpleasant Situations 06:53


* I ignored how I was feeling in unpleasant situations because I didn’t want to cause trouble or make other people uncomfortable by leaving a situation.
* We build trust with ourselves when we take ourselves out of unpleasant situations.
We lose trust in ourselves to take ourselves out of unpleasant situations when we don’t act on how we’re feeling.
* We aren’t obliged to stay in situations we find unpleasant.
* If you’re in an unpleasant conversation, simply thank the person for the conversation and excuse yourself from the interaction. That’s all you need to do.
* It’s important not to ignore our feelings.
* We can’t be perfect at this. There will still be times we fail to remove ourselves from unpleasant situations. However, if the general trend is to take ourselves out of these situations, then our trust in ourselves will continue to grow.


3. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Exactly How You Feel 11:21


* Acknowledging our feelings and accepting them with compassion is a friendly action.
]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 26:23
046: What is Authenticity? https://bisforbeing.com/p/046-what-is-authenticity Sat, 29 Apr 2017 21:03:15 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=2029 https://bisforbeing.com/p/046-what-is-authenticity#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/046-what-is-authenticity/feed 0 I run a website about authenticity, so I should know what authenticity is, right?Well, I forgot.I had that feeling when you say a word out loud over and over again and you stop understanding the word’s meaning and begin to only hear the word's sounds.I used this episode to put everything out on the table and remind myself of what authenticity is (and also what authenticity is not.)In this episode, I answer three big questions:What defines authentic self-expression?How do we know when we're acting authentically?How do we uncover our own authenticity and bring more of it into our creativity and relationships? I run a website about authenticity, so I should know what authenticity is, right?Well, I forgot.I had that feeling when you say a word out loud over and over again and you stop understanding the word’s meaning and begin to only hear the word's sounds.


I run a website about authenticity, so I should know what authenticity is, right?

Well, I forgot.

I had that feeling when you say a word out loud over and over again and you stop understanding the word’s meaning and begin to only hear the word's sounds.

I used this episode to put everything out on the table and remind myself of what authenticity is (and also what authenticity is not.)

In this episode, I answer three big questions:


* What defines authentic self-expression?
* How do we know when we're acting authentically?
* How do we uncover our own authenticity and bring more of it into our creativity and relationships?




Show Notes

Why I’m Passionate About Authenticity 03:38


* From a young age I was attracted to people who had a solid grounding within themselves.
* I’ve struggled with my sense of self for most of my life. I didn’t have a sense of who I was separate from other people and what they wanted to do.
* I wanted to know if I was more than just a conditioned ball of actions which I learned from my family and friends.
* I wanted to know why I felt superior to some people and inferior to others.
* I tried imitating how famous people were in order to be likeable.


Authenticity is Difficult to Describe 09:50


* Authenticity is not a set of behaviours or techniques; it’s a state of being which occurs naturally from the absence of fear.
* We are inherently authentic. Just existing in the world is authentic.


Authenticity is a state of being, not a state of doing.


* Authenticity is an in-the-moment flow of life. Like the way a river flows, or a snowflake forms, or a sunset sets - authenticity is completely unique and can not be copied or replicated.


What Authenticity Is Not 16:13


* Authenticity is not:

* Asking someone how they are when I’m not actually interested in their answer.
* Breaking an awkward silence with random chit-chat when actually I don’t have anything to say.
* Saying yes when I actually want to say no.


* We usually act inauthentically when there is a fear present of being abandoned or not accepted by someone.
* Assertiveness is a mode of expression which is aimed at expressing what’s true for you while respecting another person at the same time.
* Authenticity is not rigidly following a system without asking ourselves why we’re following it.
* However, even if we are rigidly following a system, it’s impossible for our authenticity to be completely suppressed, it will always come through in some way.


Why Is It So Difficult to Be Authentic? 24:40


* Why do we do things which aren’t authentic to us?
* We are hard wired to feel accepted, valid and loved. We are afraid of that love leaving us. As a result, we are highly aware of any actions which might cause us to be unlovable and we adapt our behaviour to stop this from happening.
* For most of my life I didn’t have a sense of my inner-voice. I didn’t know what I genuinely wanted and didn’t want, so I just went along with what everyone else wanted.
* I didn’t think it was a big deal to go along with what others wanted and ignore what I wanted. I didn’t know that I was abandoning myself every-time I ignored what felt right for me.
* We tolerate unpleasant situations because we are afraid of losing acceptance and love. We interpret another people’s praise and affection as...]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 36:18
045: A Live Exploration of Procrastination https://bisforbeing.com/p/045-exploring-procrastination Sat, 01 Apr 2017 21:03:33 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=2016 https://bisforbeing.com/p/045-exploring-procrastination#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/045-exploring-procrastination/feed 0 I'm about to start a new job and have decided to take a month off podcasting.I’m doing this so I can adjust to the new time and energy requirements of the job without placing additional stress on myself to create a podcast every week.So, I’m preparing four podcasts in advance so I can ensure there is always a new episode for you on Sunday no matter how crazy life becomes.I thought this was a brilliant idea, but my old friend procrastination began to telling me otherwise. I was completely blocked from producing these episodes.In this episode, I explore the cause of my procrastination and share some relieving perspective shifts which have helped me work through it and free me to do what I need to do. I'm about to start a new job and have decided to take a month off podcasting.I’m doing this so I can adjust to the new time and energy requirements of the job without placing additional stress on myself to create a podcast every week.So,
I'm about to start a new job and have decided to take a month off podcasting.

I’m doing this so I can adjust to the new time and energy requirements of the job without placing additional stress on myself to create a podcast every week.

So, I’m preparing four podcasts in advance so I can ensure there is always a new episode for you on Sunday no matter how crazy life becomes.

I thought this was a brilliant idea, but my old friend procrastination began to telling me otherwise. I was completely blocked from producing these episodes.

In this episode, I explore the cause of my procrastination and share some relieving perspective shifts which have helped me work through it and free me to do what I need to do.

This is the last episode before I take a four-week break. I’ll be back with Episode 46 on April 30th, 2017.



Show Notes


* I’m struggling to prepare an episode this week. 00:34
* Backstory: I got the job I applied for in Episode 40. 01:22
* I have a topic to podcast about this week but it’s feeling really difficult to produce. 02:19
* I have a feeling I'm procrastinating because recording these 4 episodes is making, what I think will be a stressful experience, become a reality. 02:52


Procrastination makes everything else seem more interesting than the thing you’re working on. 05:20


* I've realised procrastination is there to protect me. 05:58
* A lot of self-doubt just came up while recording this podcast. 07:58
* I used to think procrastination was just an annoying thing stopping me from doing what I wanted to do. 09:31
* Acknowledging procrastination as a protective mechanism reduces it’s effects on us. 10:43
* My message to procrastination. 12:18


Mentioned in This Episode


* Episode 40: Why We Don’t Have to Feel Inadequate When We Get Rejected


Featured image by
Tysh

Licensed under Creative Commons (CC BY-NC 2.0)]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 14:33
044: Safe Spaces for Your Creativity to Flow – A Talk with Marc Thomas King https://bisforbeing.com/p/044-creating-safe-spaces-creativity-flow-talk-marc-thomas-king Sat, 25 Mar 2017 21:02:07 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1994 https://bisforbeing.com/p/044-creating-safe-spaces-creativity-flow-talk-marc-thomas-king#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/044-creating-safe-spaces-creativity-flow-talk-marc-thomas-king/feed 0 Marc Thomas King is a family friend and actor living in Los Angeles.Every time I visit my American family on the East Coast I stop over in L.A., and we’ve had some great chats over the years.During my latest visit, he played an audio recording for me on his phone. It was a spontaneous free flow session where he allowed himself to express whatever he felt like at that moment.We keep in touch via Whatsapp, and I receive regular ‘audio sketches’ from Marc every week. They become more elaborate and entertaining as he continues to allow himself to express freely without filtering his creative impulses.I was intrigued by the raw creativity that was running through every sketch and wanted to know how Marc creates a safe space for himself to just express himself without being shut down by self-censoring or criticism.This is an extensive talk about creativity, the things which make it flow and connecting authentically in our interactions with others. Marc Thomas King is a family friend and actor living in Los Angeles.Every time I visit my American family on the East Coast I stop over in L.A., and we’ve had some great chats over the years.During my latest visit,


Marc in character as a meditation guru

Marc Thomas King is a family friend and actor living in Los Angeles.

Every time I visit my American family on the East Coast I stop over in L.A., and we’ve had some great chats over the years.

During my latest visit, he played an audio recording for me on his phone. It was a spontaneous free flow session where he allowed himself to express whatever he felt like at that moment.

We keep in touch via Whatsapp, and I receive regular ‘audio sketches’ from Marc every week. They become more elaborate and entertaining as he continues to allow himself to express freely without filtering his creative impulses.

I was intrigued by the raw creativity that was running through every sketch and wanted to know how Marc creates a safe space for himself to just express himself without being shut down by self-censoring or criticism.

This is an extensive talk about creativity, the things which make it flow, and connecting authentically in our interactions with others.



Show Notes

Recording Yourself Can Affect Your Expression 02:29


* Marc: Being recorded can dictate how you express yourself. It can be an impediment or a tool for being creatively free flowing.
* Ben: I wanted to become more comfortable being recorded, so I set myself a comfort zone challenge where I would hit record on a camera and allow myself to make mistakes and be awkward. (Free Flow Fridays Series).
* Marc: If we fall in love with the process of creating and don’t attach ourselves to the end result, the act of creating itself, feels good to do.


How Would You Describe Your Audio Sketches? 08:32


* Marc: They are moments of unbridled inspiration. It’s a burst of formless energy that feels like it needs a channel. I give myself the permission to go with the flow.
* Just by chance, it creates a form of its own, just by allowing the process to unfold.
* The key factor is that I give myself the warrant ‘to do’.


Audio Sketch 1 13:17


* Ben: Has there been a time where you have felt stifled to express yourself?
* Marc: I make a big effort not to place any heavy criticism on anything I create. To keep the momentum of my energy flowing I put an emphasis on just having fun.
* I’m not trying to create something that’s definable. I’m trying to create something that resonates with others but can’t be categorised.
* Ben: When someone’s expressing themselves authentically, there is no formula to replicate that.
* Marc: How can we live authentically? Not trying to appear authentic to people, but actually being authentic.
* The process of doing something can be inherently enjoyable and authentic.
* Ben: The process of creating naturally brings us to the evolution of our creative expression.
* Marc: What you’re hearing in my audio sketches is me allowing myself to imagine and actualise.


Audio Sketch 2 26:57

Trusting There Is Value in Our Creativity 29:07


* Ben: When I focus on the end result of what I’m creating I have a harder time creating. I was doubting there was any real value in the podcasts, but when I listened back to them I could see there was a value inside them, so I began to trust there was value in my creativity even If I didn’t feel that way at the time.


What Does It Take to Create and Connect Without It Being About Our Ego (Trying to Appear Clever or Amazing)?]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 75:35
043: What’s Stopping Us From Being Us? – A Talk with Joe Douglas https://bisforbeing.com/p/043-what-is-stopping-us-from-being-us Sat, 18 Mar 2017 21:01:32 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1992 https://bisforbeing.com/p/043-what-is-stopping-us-from-being-us#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/043-what-is-stopping-us-from-being-us/feed 0 I first heard about Joe from my housemate, Michael. He told me that Joe ran weekend workshops for healing trauma and helping people form a relationship with their emotions.I was curious and checked out Joe’s site. I went straight to the video section and began watching a video of Joe explaining the different types of anger. The content was fascinating, but the way he was speaking fascinated me even more.He was relaxed and spoke as if he were talking with a good friend. It didn’t feel like he was trying to sell me anything or talk me into his point of view. He was simply sharing what he knew about anger.I clicked on the ‘About’ section of his site and read, “[…] My approach is dedicated to equipping you with the awareness and the tools you need to remove the obstacles that are preventing you from being the person you wish to be.” After reading that, I knew I needed to have a talk with Joe.In this episode, we go to the heart of what’s stopping us from being us.A useful talk if you want to know what’s stopping you from being yourself, or you’re thinking about embarking on some of your own self-development work.Joe Douglas is a psychotherapist who helps people take responsibility for their lives and runs regular weekend workshops for people to understand and remove their emotional blocks so they can live a full and happy life as themselves. I first heard about Joe from my housemate, Michael. He told me that Joe ran weekend workshops for healing trauma and helping people form a relationship with their emotions.I was curious and checked out Joe’s site.


Joe Douglas

I first heard about Joe from my housemate, Michael. He told me that Joe ran weekend workshops for healing trauma and helping people form a relationship with their emotions.

I was curious and checked out Joe’s site. I went straight to the video section and began watching a video of Joe explaining the different types of anger. The content was fascinating, but the way he was speaking fascinated me even more.

He was relaxed and spoke as if he were talking with a good friend. It didn’t feel like he was trying to sell me anything or talk me into his point of view. He was simply sharing what he knew about anger.

I clicked on the ‘About’ section of his site and read, “[…] My approach is dedicated to equipping you with the awareness and the tools you need to remove the obstacles that are preventing you from being the person you wish to be.” After reading that, I knew I needed to have a talk with Joe.

In this episode, we go to the heart of what’s stopping us from being us.

A useful talk if you want to know what’s stopping you from being yourself, or you’re thinking about embarking on some of your own self-development work.

Joe Douglas is a psychotherapist who helps people take responsibility for their lives and runs regular weekend workshops for people to understand and remove their emotional blocks so they can live a full and happy life as themselves.



Show Notes

Click on a time marker to hear the full conversation.


What Is Stopping Us From Being Ourselves? 03:18


* Ben: I’m feeling a bit nervous right now, but I can see it’s not you that’s making me nervous.
* Joe: Emotions are really important. They are good indicators that something is going on inside us.
* There is a lot of ‘stuff’ protecting us from ourselves.
* Until you feel safe, the real you is not going to come to the surface.


Childhood Is Where Our Initial Protections Are Created 05:54


* Ben: As children, we don’t have any reference for what fear or pain is.
* Joe: Children are the centre of their own universe. They push down who they are to fit in if they have to.


Let Your Body Feel Your Emotions Instead of Covering Them Up 09:08


* Joe: There are no bad emotions. It’s the suppression of our emotions which causes the pain.
* Suppressing anger can cause a lot of damage when suppressed for long enough. Domestic violence and secondary anger are some of the results of that.


Have You Had to Work at Being Authentic? 12:28


* Joe: It’s mostly been natural to be myself.
* Ben: I’ve come from a background of self-doubt, so it’s been harder for me to feel comfortable expressing myself.
* Joe: When I was younger I struggled. In the north of England, the sense was you didn't show your emotions, you cover them up with alcohol and drugs.


My Personal Growth Process Began After My First Marriage Ended 16:16


* Joe: I began to realise how much anger was inside me. It was like a power station.
* I did 5 or 6 years of intense personal growth work
* Ben: What was driving you to do this self-growth work?
* Joe: My second wife wasn’t telling me what to do so I had nothing to rebel against. She used to say,]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 53:43
042: Dealing with Anxiety – A Talk with Neil Hughes https://bisforbeing.com/p/042-dealing-with-anxiety-a-talk-with-neil-hughes Sat, 11 Mar 2017 21:02:10 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1957 https://bisforbeing.com/p/042-dealing-with-anxiety-a-talk-with-neil-hughes#comments https://bisforbeing.com/p/042-dealing-with-anxiety-a-talk-with-neil-hughes/feed 2 Constant worry and fear about the possibility of something terrible happening make it really difficult to take action on the things which matter to us.I've suffered from anxiety and many of my friends and family have as well, but what actually is it? Where does it come from? How can we find effective relief from it?I needed some answers.It just so happens, Neil Hughes knows a lot about anxiety. He’s the author of Walking On Custard: A Guide for Anxious Humans and regularly shares his experiences of managing anxiety on his blog, and more recently, his entertaining TED Talk: A New Plan for Anxious Feelings: Escape the Custard!Neil used to think of himself as a worrier but it wasn’t until his late-twenties he realised he was dealing with anxiety.In this talk, Neil shares how anxiety is different from genuine fear, why self-awareness is key to relieving anxiety, and the importance of talking with others and asking for help. Constant worry and fear about the possibility of something terrible happening make it really difficult to take action on the things which matter to us.I've suffered from anxiety and many of my friends and family have as well, but what actually is it?
Tools and techniques for understanding and relieving anxiety.



Neil Hughes getting into some stand-up comedy

Constant worry and fear about the possibility of something terrible happening make it really difficult to take action on the things which matter to us.

I've suffered from anxiety and many of my friends and family have as well, but what actually is it? Where does it come from? How can we find effective relief from it?

I needed some answers.

It just so happens, Neil Hughes knows a lot about anxiety. He’s the author of Walking On Custard: A Guide for Anxious Humans and regularly shares his experiences of managing anxiety on his blog, and more recently, his entertaining TED Talk: A New Plan for Anxious Feelings: Escape the Custard!

Neil used to think of himself as a worrier but it wasn’t until his late-twenties he realised he was dealing with anxiety.

In this talk, Neil shares how anxiety is different from genuine fear, why self-awareness is key in relieving anxiety, and the importance of talking with others and asking for help.



Show Notes


* Ben: Where did this journey start for you? 04:22
* Neil: It wasn’t until my late twenties that I started looking into my anxiety. I was experiencing stomach pain and sickness. I didn’t know what was happening. 04:33



* Ben: What’s your definition of anxiety? 07:13
- Neil: Anxiety is when the fear you’re experiencing is disproportionate to what’s actually happening. 07:33



* Ben: Do you have an idea of where you’re anxiety came from? 09:13
* Neil: I’ve found it can be a bit of a trap to spend time worrying about where my anxiety has come from and why it's there. 09:34



* Ben: How do you handle anxiety when you feel it? 12:04
* Neil: There’s no one magic cure for anxiety. I’ve found it helpful to identify what sort of anxiety I’m experiencing - chronic anxiety or background anxiety. I’ve found it very helpful to not fight anxiety. 12:22



* Ben: Have you noticed any long-term changes from retraining yourself away from anxious thoughts and feelings? 17:32
* Neil: Anxiety is still a reality in my life but I don’t fear it anymore. 18:01
* Social anxiety is something I haven’t struggled with, I would be fine getting up and doing stand-up comedy. I experienced more disaster anxiety.
* A lot of dealing with anxiety is about tuning into reality. 21:28



* Ben: Was there a particular moment when you realised you were separate from your anxious tendencies? 22:36
* Neil: A thought in your head is just a thought in your head. You don't necessarily need to believe it. Recognising when we’re having anxious thoughts is helpful to this process. 23:26
* Ben: I’ve been using my body like an alarm system so I know when to pay attention to emotional tension going on inside me. 25:37


Neil: Self-observation is key to dealing with anxiety. It can help us come out of an anxiety loop faster. 26:37


]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 42:11
041: Navigating the Waters of Self-Love – A Talk with Caira Lee https://bisforbeing.com/p/041-navigating-self-love-with-caira-lee Sat, 25 Feb 2017 21:04:30 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1908 https://bisforbeing.com/p/041-navigating-self-love-with-caira-lee#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/041-navigating-self-love-with-caira-lee/feed 0 I’m really proud of this interview.Yes, it’s packed with practical tools and inspiration for tackling deep self-doubt, but that’s not why I’m proud of it.After watching Caira’s TEDx talk on the power of self-love, I felt compelled to contact her and invite her for a talk.There was only one problem.I highly doubted that she'd want to talk with me.My podcast isn’t professional enough, I thought. It needs to be more exciting and better produced for her to be interested. With a TED talk like that, her life must be overflowing with interviews and speaking gigs. Why would she want to talk with me?But there was something in me, telling me to write to her anyway.So I began writing the email and felt really daring for doing so. It took me over 2 hours to write that thing; checking it and rewording it and checking it again.But then I asked myself, what’s the worst that could happen? What's the worst thing that will happen if I send this email to her?She probably won’t reply. Well, if that’s the worst that can happen I’m sending this email! Then, with a sense of brazenness, I hovered over the ’SEND’ button. I could still feel a lingering sense of doubt inside me but I just clicked the button. The email was sent and I gave myself a giant high-five.As it turned out, Caira replied the very next day and said she’d love to have a talk. I remember not being able to control the muscles in my face as they formed, what felt like, a permanent smile.Caira Lee is a national award winning performance poet and author, originally from Maryland, USA, now living in Ghana, Africa.She has worked her way through deep depression and anxiety and has a strong understanding of what it means to love yourself.You don't want to miss this episode.Join us as we share the strongest fears and doubts that have prevented us from taking compassionate action for ourselves, and the things we did to come through them. I’m really proud of this interview.Yes, it’s packed with practical tools and inspiration for tackling deep self-doubt, but that’s not why I’m proud of it.After watching Caira’s TEDx talk on the power of self-love,


Caira Lee

I’m really proud of this interview.

Yes, it’s packed with practical tools and inspiration for tackling deep self-doubt, but that’s not why I’m proud of it.

After watching Caira’s TEDx talk on the power of self-love, I felt compelled to contact her and invite her for a talk.

There was only one problem.

I highly doubted that she'd want to talk with me.

My podcast isn’t professional enough, I thought. It needs to be more exciting and better produced for her to be interested. With a TED talk like that, her life must be overflowing with interviews and speaking gigs. Why would she want to talk with me?

But there was something in me, telling me to write to her anyway.

So I began writing the email and felt really daring for doing so. It took me over 2 hours to write that thing; checking it and rewording it and checking it again.

But then I asked myself, what’s the worst that could happen? What's the worst thing that will happen if I send this email to her?

She probably won’t reply, I thought.
Well, if that’s the worst that can happen I’m sending this email!


Then, with a sense of brazenness, I hovered over the ’SEND’ button. I could still feel a lingering sense of doubt inside me but I just clicked the button. The email was sent and I gave myself a giant high-five.

As it turned out, Caira replied the very next day and said she’d love to have a talk. I remember not being able to control the muscles in my face as they formed, what felt like, a permanent smile.

Caira Lee is a national award winning performance poet and author, originally from Maryland, USA, now living in Ghana, Africa.

She has worked her way through deep depression and anxiety and has a strong understanding of what it means to love yourself.

You don't want to miss this episode.

Join us as we share the strongest fears and doubts that have prevented us from taking compassionate action for ourselves, and the things we did to come through them.



Show Notes

Click a time marker to jump to any section of the podcast.

What Has Stopped You From Taking Loving Action for Yourself? 02:39


* Caira: Doubt. The fear that I’ll try 100% and it won’t change anything, or that I’ll destroy myself trying. 02:58
* Ben: How do you feel doubt? 04:29
* Caira: Doubts always have fear behind them. We’re usually doubting that things will be good, which is a fear that things will be bad. 05:15
* I ask myself, would I ever do the things which would make these disastrous things come true? 08:42
* Ben: I come out of fear-based thinking by paying attention to what’s going on around me. 09:53
* Caira: It’s crazy, you can do something positive for yourself and then trick yourself into thinking it’s still negative. 11:15
* When I’m having thoughts that are causing me anxiety, I remind myself that the only reason this bad thing will happen is because I’m thinking it will happen. 12:45


What if That’s All Just Positive Thinking?


* Ben: What if the bad thing I’m thinking about is actually going to happen and I’m just pretending it won’t? Sometimes positive thinking feels phoney to me. 14:40
* Caira: This is a process. A house begins with the first brick.]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 91:12
040: Why We Don’t Have to Feel Inadequate When We Get Rejected https://bisforbeing.com/p/040-why-our-self-worth-goes-down-when-we-feel-rejected Sat, 18 Feb 2017 21:02:26 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1904 https://bisforbeing.com/p/040-why-our-self-worth-goes-down-when-we-feel-rejected#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/040-why-our-self-worth-goes-down-when-we-feel-rejected/feed 0 Applying for jobs has never been an enjoyable task for me. I spent almost 20hrs on a job application this week with 4 hours spent on just the cover letter alone.I was overworking every aspect of the application because I knew that if it was rejected I would feel that I should have been better in some way, that the rejection was a reflection of me not trying hard enough and that I was inadequate.But me receiving a rejection is not connected to my feelings of worth at all... Unless I feel it is.I know I’m not alone on this.The good news is we don't have to feel inadequate at all.Rejection is not a sign of inadequacy but simply another person's interpretation of the small part of us we've presented to them.In this episode, I uncover the reason why we feel inadequate following a rejection and how we can change our default reaction of inadequacy into, I'm good enough no matter what happens. Applying for jobs has never been an enjoyable task for me. I spent almost 20hrs on a job application this week with 4 hours spent on just the cover letter alone.I was overworking every aspect of the application because I knew that if it was rejected I ...



Applying for jobs has never been an enjoyable task for me. I spent almost 20hrs on a job application this week with 4 hours spent on just the cover letter alone.

I was overworking every aspect of the application because I knew that if it was rejected I would feel that I should have been better in some way, that the rejection was a reflection of me not trying hard enough and that I was inadequate.

But me receiving a rejection is not connected to my feelings of worth at all... Unless I feel it is.

I know I’m not alone on this.

The good news is we don't have to feel inadequate at all.

Rejection is not a sign of inadequacy but simply another person's interpretation of the small part of us we've presented to them.

In this episode, I uncover the reason why we feel inadequate following a rejection and how we can change our default reaction of inadequacy into, I'm good enough no matter what happens.



Show Notes

Click a time marker to jump to that section of the podcast.


* I really did not want to put myself in a position where I could be accepted or rejected. 2:30
* I reminded myself that I am good enough no matter what the outcome is. 4:33
* I make myself feel not good enough based on my beliefs of what that rejection means to me. 5:50
* It's easy to see the decisions made by an authority figure as more accurate than your own understanding of yourself. 10:11
* I wanted to know why I feel lower and less than when I feel rejected. How did this start? 11:44


If we only receive praise for our achievements, it’s easy to think when we aren't achieving we aren't worthy of praise or acknowledgement. 13:42


* “If I praise my kids for doing nothing then they won't feel like doing anything.” 14:50
* We adapt ourselves in any way that's required to receive love because we know that we need love to survive. 16:26
* How do I rebalance my own achievement bias? 17:55
* I’m curating a guide of the most powerful reminders for relieving anxiety, overwhelm and nonstop thinking. 21:27


 

Featured image by Christian Stefanescu
Licensed under Creative Commons (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 25:56
039: Understanding Our Unpleasant Emotions Instead of Blaming Others for How We Feel https://bisforbeing.com/p/039-understanding-unpleasant-emotions-instead-blaming-others-feel Sat, 11 Feb 2017 21:03:10 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1877 https://bisforbeing.com/p/039-understanding-unpleasant-emotions-instead-blaming-others-feel#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/039-understanding-unpleasant-emotions-instead-blaming-others-feel/feed 0 There are moments in life which cause some pretty unpleasant emotions.You say hello to a friend on the street and they walk right by you without saying a thing. You get home from work and your partner gives you a funny look.Fear, doubt, jealousy, anger, confusion - no one wants to feel this way.Without understanding what exactly has triggered these emotions it's easy to blame the other person (directly or indirectly) for that we're experiencing.What we don't know is that it's not the entire person which has triggered these unpleasant feelings, it's a specific aspect of something they've said or done which has triggered this response within us.It's very difficult to understand this if you're already within a strong emotional reaction.What we need is a more neutral view of what has occurred so we can see things more objectively.Writing is an excellent tool for doing this and can be used to understand the roots of our strong emotional reactions enabling us to take positive action with people instead of blaming them for what we're feeling.In this episode, I take you through this technique and outline exactly what to write about and which questions to ask yourself. There are moments in life which cause some pretty unpleasant emotions.You say hello to a friend on the street and they walk right by you without saying a thing. You get home from work and your partner gives you a funny look.Fear, doubt, jealousy,


There are moments in life which cause some pretty unpleasant emotions.

You say hello to a friend on the street and they walk right by you without saying a thing. You get home from work and your partner gives you a funny look.

Fear, doubt, jealousy, anger, confusion -  no one wants to feel this way.

Without understanding what exactly has triggered these emotions it's easy to blame the other person (directly or indirectly) for that we're experiencing.

What we don't know is that it's not the entire person which has triggered these unpleasant feelings, it's a specific aspect of something they've said or done which has triggered this response within us.

It's very difficult to understand this if you're already within a strong emotional reaction.

What we need is a more neutral view of what has occurred so we can see things more objectively.

Writing is an excellent tool for doing this and can be used to understand the roots of our strong emotional reactions enabling us to take positive action with people instead of blaming them for what we're feeling.

In this episode, I take you through this technique and outline exactly what to write about and which questions to ask yourself.



Show Notes


* I use writing to identify what has actually caused me to get upset. 1:54
* Writing allow us to view an event objectively without being swept into the turbulence of our strong emotions. 4:13
* My housemate slammed a door and I got really angry but I didn’t know why I reacted so strongly. 5:09
* I decided to write down the facts of the situation to understand what had happened. 5:50
* Separating your emotional reactions from the events which occurred allows you to see the event more objectively and begin to understand your strong emotional reactions. 6:34
* We always have the choice to explore our feelings or just accept them at face value. 7:38
* 3 steps to exploring your strong emotional reactions.9:03

* 1. Write down step-by-step what occurred. Leave out how you felt about each event, this is a neutral account of what happened.
* 2. Underline which event(s) triggered the strong reaction within you.
* 3. Ask yourself, why did I feel this way when that happened? Each time you ask yourself why did I feel this way about that? You travel deeper into your emotional conditioning and understand what was behind your emotional reaction.



* Understanding where your strong reaction has come from, it’s easier to talk it through with the other person, proactively and productively. 10:08
* Without understanding where your emotion has come from it’s very easy to blame another person for how you are feeling. 10:36
* After identifying what you have reacted to you may not feel the need to bring it up with the other person at all because you can see where you’re emotional reaction has originated from. 11:23
* Overview of the 3 step writing technique. 12:32


Related Episodes and Articles


* How Writing Can Help Us Live More Harmoniously - Article
* Episode 10: Knowing When to Jump Ship


 



Featured image by clean 16:37
038: What is Ego? https://bisforbeing.com/p/038-what-is-ego Sat, 04 Feb 2017 21:00:55 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1858 https://bisforbeing.com/p/038-what-is-ego#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/038-what-is-ego/feed 0 If we're embarking on any sincere self-discovery work we have to know what the word Ego is actually referring to.'Ego' comes up so frequently in self-help material and everyday conversation that its definition has begun to get more than a little fuzzy.Without a clear understanding of what this word points to it can be difficult to understand our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors and why it is some of them keep returning.In this episode, I take a step back from assuming I know what the word Ego means and attempt to piece together a collective understanding of what we're actually talking about when use this tiny, but complex, three letter word. If we're embarking on any sincere self-discovery work we have to know what the word Ego is actually referring to.'Ego' comes up so frequently in self-help material and everyday conversation that its definition has begun to get more than a little fuzzy....


If we're embarking on any sincere self-discovery work we have to know what the word Ego is actually referring to.

'Ego' comes up so frequently in self-help material and everyday conversation that its definition has begun to get more than a little fuzzy.

Without a clear understanding of what this word points to it can be difficult to understand our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors and why it is some of them keep returning.

In this episode, I take a step back from assuming I know what the word Ego means and attempt to piece together a collective understanding of what we're actually talking about when use this tiny, but complex, three letter word.



Show Notes


* Ego is the story I create to explain my existence.
2:58
* People talk about ‘Ego’ a lot but I don’t actually know what it means. 4:35
* The Ego is you as your personality, your character, your experiences. 5:42
* The Ego is like a program on a computer. We are the computer, but something else has created the computer and the program… 6:23
* It’s an important part of who we are and needs our love, care and management. 8:15
* The Ego is like a program which keeps acting out behaviours from earlier experiences in life. It does this to protect you. 8:51
* We put ourselves higher or lower than other people in order to feel better. 11:29
* When you step back and ask, who am I? Who is the one that’s asking that? 13:22
* The Ego can create friction when a person is trying to get everyone else involved in his or her own personal universe. 15:32
* The Ego is not something you can fight. 16:39
* It can be very difficult to show the Ego love and compassion. 18:21
* The Ego can become dysfunctional when we're not aware of how it’s behaving. 19:36


People are beginning to see the Ego as something to incorporate and befriend and not something to fight or rid yourself of. 22:24


* The Ego sees whatever we tell it to look for. If someone has a 'big' Ego, he will look for and see all the things which prove his inflated sense of self. 22:55
* The Ego is a conditioned aspect of our psyche which can be reconditioned. 23:54
* Other people’s behaviours can trigger our conditioned self (Ego) and cause us to feel anger, fear, etc. However, this doesn’t mean their intention was to hurt us. 26:50
* Our emotional triggers tell us that there is something inside of us which needs to be looked at. It’s a tap on the shoulder to pay attention. 28:31
* Ben's closing thoughts on ‘What is Ego?’ 29:51


 

Featured image by Aftab Uzzaman.
Creative Commons (CC BY-NC 2.0)]]> Benjamin Hammersley clean 32:17 037: Different Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Self-Esteem – A Chat with Júlia https://bisforbeing.com/p/037-different-parenting-styles-effects-self-esteem-julia Sat, 28 Jan 2017 21:02:05 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1796 https://bisforbeing.com/p/037-different-parenting-styles-effects-self-esteem-julia#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/037-different-parenting-styles-effects-self-esteem-julia/feed 0 I was in a conversation with my girlfriend, Júlia a couple of months ago and realised that she’s had a very different upbringing to me.Julia’s childhood wasn’t perfect (and no one’s is) but when I learned that her parents were guiding her to realise the natural consequences of her actions, and that they would explain to her why she wasn't the reason they got mad – I knew I wanted to know more about their approach to parenting.As we know, it’s the experiences we have as kids which often significantly shape the way we think about ourselves, and as a result, our experience of life.In this episode Júlia and myself share different childhood stories about our parents and the differing effects these experiences had on our self-esteem. I was in a conversation with my girlfriend, Júlia a couple of months ago and realised that she’s had a very different upbringing to me.Julia’s childhood wasn’t perfect (and no one’s is) but when I learned that her parents were guiding her to realise th...


Júlia

I was in a conversation with my girlfriend Júlia a couple of months ago and realised that she’s had a very different upbringing to me.

Julia’s childhood wasn’t perfect (and no one’s is) but when I learned that her parents were guiding her to realise the natural consequences of her actions, and that they would explain to her why she wasn't the reason they got mad – I knew I wanted to know more about their approach to parenting.

As we know, it’s the experiences we have as kids which often significantly shape the way we think about ourselves, and as a result, our experience of life.

In this episode Júlia and myself share different childhood stories about our parents and the differing effects these experiences had on our self-esteem.

Show Notes

Click a timecode to jump to that section of the podcast.


* Júlia: I couldn’t understand why my friends were scared of their parents. 02:44
* Ben: What would your parents say to you if you didn’t clean up your room or do your homework? 04:08
* Júlia: My parents guided me to realise the natural consequences of me not taking action. 4:28
* Ben: I always had the feeling that my parents were investing their own sense of value into how clean my room was or how well I did at school. 05:42
* Júlia: My parents saw me and my brother as unique people so they treated us differently. 06:55
* Ben: At school, my default belief was, "I'm already no good." I felt I needed to try 30x harder than the other kids just for the teacher to acknowledge my efforts. 08:17
* Júlia: I think most kids felt like they were not good enough at school. 09:38
* Ben: Because our parents are so focused on us achieving certain results we get the idea that we are already not good. 11:41


Ben: My parents were more focused on the changes I needed to make in order to progress and less about reinforcing the things I’d already achieved. 12:45


* Ben: My father usually gave me feedback when he was annoyed and wanted me to stop doing something but there was very little encouragement of the things I was doing right. So I got the message that I was mostly doing things wrong. 13:22
* Júlia: Once you have the idea that you’re not doing anything right you start to focus on those aspects of yourself more and more. 14:06
* Ben: It’s so difficult to begin to change this idea because you feel like you can’t do anything right. Where do you start if you completely feel no good? 14:49
* Júlia: I think our parents’ intentions are good but it’s the way they give us feedback which will affect every kid in a different way. 17:03
* I also don’t think kids understand how marks work at school. In Spain it was either PASS, you’re good! or FAIL, you need to try harder! 17:58
* Ben: If we don’t feel we are good just because we exist we will attempt to get the love of our parents through achieving good grades, cleaning our room, etc. 19:42
* This belief, I’m not good enough as I am., has a huge impact on a person’s life and affects the type of relationships they form with other people. 20:36
* Ben: Did your parents ever get really mad at you? 21:22
* Júlia: If my mum got mad at me she would explain afterwards what ...]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 42:23
036: “Stop Sharing Because It’s Making Me Cringe.” https://bisforbeing.com/p/036-stop-sharing-making-cringe Sat, 21 Jan 2017 21:03:55 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1790 https://bisforbeing.com/p/036-stop-sharing-making-cringe#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/036-stop-sharing-making-cringe/feed 0 There are so many people talking about self-love, acceptance, meditation, connection, consciousness, ego... and it all just feels a little bit fake.It's like everyone only partially understands what they're talking about but shares it like they're an enlightened master. It just makes me cringe!What's the point of even sharing if we're all dismissed as 'just another self-proclaimed spiritual master who doesn't really know what they're talking about', resulting in no one taking anyone seriously!?These feelings became so strong that I had no motivation to produce this week's episode. So I decided to explore what was behind these feelings and share my findings with you.In this episode I uncover the core belief which was behind these highly critical feelings for others and myself, for sharing our journey. There are so many people talking about self-love, acceptance, meditation, connection, consciousness, ego... and it all just feels a little bit fake.It's like everyone only partially understands what they're talking about but shares it like they're an e...


There are so many people talking about self-love, acceptance, meditation, connection, consciousness, ego... and it all just feels a little bit fake.

It's like everyone only partially understands what they're talking about but shares it like they're an enlightened master. It just makes me cringe!

What's the point of even sharing if we're all dismissed as 'just another self-proclaimed spiritual master who doesn't really know what they're talking about', resulting in no one taking anyone seriously!?

These feelings became so strong that I had no motivation to produce this week's episode. So I decided to explore what was behind these feelings and share my findings with you.

In this episode I uncover the core belief which was behind my highly critical feelings for others and myself.

Show Notes

Click a time code to jump to that section of the podcast.


* 02:22 It seemed like everyone’s story was the same - going through a hard time and emerging from the other side with new insights on life. That didn’t feel genuine to me.
* 04:37 I had the biggest negative reaction towards people who were just beginning to share their journey.
* 06:12 Writing helped me understand where these feelings had come from. Writing is a powerful tool for understanding our internal stories and where they’ve come from.
* 06:37 Why do I react so strongly to people who are just starting to share themselves and not the people I consider masters?
* 08:23 I discovered I held a deep core belief which told me I wasn’t allowed to share anything if I didn’t know what I was talking about 100%.
* 11:01 I cringed at what other people were sharing and felt they were being fake because I felt fake within myself.
* 12:38 I looked at the early work of the people I was reacting to and I saw where they were in a process of developing.
* 13:50 Everyone starts somewhere. I’m allowed to start somewhere as well.
* 15:26 I held the belief that you need to be a master before you can start talking about self-love or sharing techniques to help people through hard times.
* 16:36 I'm very open about coming from a past of self-repression and I’m still working through that.
* 17:10 The beliefs I hold can make me perceive other people (and what they’re doing) in a particular way.
* 18:32 I remembered that I'm allowed to share my story just as I am, right now.
* 19:31 No one expects you to share everything about everything when you’re sharing. Just sharing your story is enough.


Your Reviews Make Me Happy

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Mentioned in This Episode


* clean 23:53
035: 2016 Year in Review https://bisforbeing.com/p/035-2016-year-in-review Sat, 17 Dec 2016 21:01:09 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1769 https://bisforbeing.com/p/035-2016-year-in-review#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/035-2016-year-in-review/feed 0 What an amazing year 2016 has been. A year full of growth, learning and expansion for everyone. I’m amazed at how much I’ve learned this year and lost track of the times I smashed through my comfort zones.This is the episode where I take a look back at the year that was 2016 and share my biggest learnings, my biggest fears and the most powerful episodes I produced this year.Grab your listening ears and hit play on the last episode of 2016. What an amazing year 2016 has been. A year full of growth, learning and expansion for everyone. I’m amazed at how much I’ve learned this year and lost track of the times I smashed through my comfort zones.This is the episode where I take a look back at...


What an amazing year 2016 has been. A year full of growth, learning and expansion for everyone. I’m amazed at how much I’ve learned this year and lost track of the times I smashed through my comfort zones.

This is the episode where I take a look back at the year that was 2016 and share my biggest learnings, my biggest fears and the most powerful episodes I produced this year.

Grab your listening ears and hit play on the last episode of 2016.



Highlights and Takeaways


* Flow comes before structure. When we rigidly hold plans without regard for how we are actually feeling it’s easy to treat yourself like a robot and burnout.
* Structure is there to compliment flow, but no to take greater importance than it.
* What I create can never reflect who I am, only how I am.
* Realising that I am not my work makes it easier to create and share what I make with others.
* I was overcompensating with fancy words and phrases because I didn’t believe I was offering genuine value with the podcast.
* Just sharing an experience you’ve had and how you came through it is a valuable source of information others can learn from.


Show Notes

An Overview

I started this year by producing episode 011: How to Live Authentically. It's a juicy episode which encapsulates my understanding of the key factors of living an authentic life and unblocking your authentic energy flow.

I produced 7 episodes of the podcast before taking an unexpected 4 month hiatus from April until early August (more about that later).

This year I produced 34 episodes and wrote more than 34,000 words of show notes.

I also started the
Free Flow Fridays Series. I had always planned to record 12 episodes to explore my unrehearsed authentic expression with a camera pointed at my face. This was a big comfort zone challenge for me.

I also moved house 3 times this year. This wasn't planned, it was just how it worked out.

Biggest Learnings of This Year

A big part of this episode is sharing the things I've learned which have changed the way I create, see the world, or connect with other people.

1. Flow then Structure

The natural rhythm and pacing of our energy is primary to any structuring process.

Flow comes before structure. I realised this because things were the other way around for me. I was trying to structure things without regard for my current energy level, my rhythms and the pace I like working at. By doing this I placed more importance on my plans, schedules and outcomes then how I was actually feeling.

The plans became primary to the present moment reality of how I was actually doing (our energy flow).

note: I grew up with rules which were enforced very rigidly and definitely. I learned that I needed to follow the rules for everything to run smoothly. So I followed these rules (structure) without actually knowing where they had come from. I thought, ok rules dictate your actions. You have rules and you follow them. It doesn't matter how you're feeling - if the rules are there then you follow them.

This resulted in me scheduling many big tasks to be completed in one day, no food breaks, and no scheduled breaks from work. I was basically treating myself like a robot and using the plan to dictate my actions (my flow).

I realised this wasn't the way things should be working because I was feeling crap. I wasn't having fun making episodes and I got to a point where I didn't feel like making any more. At this point I realised that my flow comes first (what I feel like doing) and then the structure is the...]]> Benjamin Hammersley clean 42:53 034: Understanding Ourselves by Looking at the People We Admire https://bisforbeing.com/p/034-understanding-ourselves-by-looking-at-the-people-we-admire Sat, 10 Dec 2016 21:03:42 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1733 https://bisforbeing.com/p/034-understanding-ourselves-by-looking-at-the-people-we-admire#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/034-understanding-ourselves-by-looking-at-the-people-we-admire/feed 0 When we are born we aren’t given a manual which tells us the person that we are. No one else can tell us the unique things we hold inside of ourselves or how we feel like expressing it. Knowing these things is part of the process of self-discovery. Today I’d like to share a tool with you that has made it much easier for me to dive into myself and discover my inherent ways of being and expression. The tool itself is just a simple list of the people you admire. However, instead of stopping there, by looking more closely at exactly which aspects of a person we admire we can learn which part of us is admiring those parts in them. In this episode I share with you the people I admire at the moment and go through the process of identifying exactly what it is I admire about each of them. Knowing what we admire in others puts us in a position to be able to make more energising and fulfilling decisions for ourselves more often. Join me as I go through my own discovery process using this tool. When we are born we aren’t given a manual which tells us the person that we are. No one else can tell us the unique things we hold inside of ourselves or how we feel like expressing it. - Knowing these things is part of the process of self-discovery.


When we are born we aren’t given a manual which tells us the person that we are. No one else can tell us the unique things we hold inside of ourselves or how we feel like expressing it.

Knowing these things is part of the process of self-discovery.

Today I’d like to share a tool with you that has made it much easier for me to dive into myself and discover my inherent ways of being and expression.

The tool itself is just a simple list of the people you admire. However, instead of stopping there, by looking more closely at exactly which aspects of a person we admire we can learn which part of us is admiring those parts in them.

In this episode I share with you the people I admire at the moment and go through the process of identifying exactly what it is I admire about each of them.

Knowing what we admire in others puts us in a position to be able to make more energising and fulfilling decisions for ourselves more often.

Join me as I go through my own discovery process using this tool.


Highlights and Takeaways


* The aspects you notice in other people are personal to you. Someone else will admire different qualities in that same person.
* Self-doubt will make it hard to see the connection between what you admire in someone else and what you feel you have inside yourself.
* Becoming aware of why you admire certain aspects of a person will let you know a lot about yourself.
* Authentic expression is so intriguing to witness because it’s an individual’s unique expression that is made up of all their past experiences in life and coming out in a never before seen flow.
* Use writing to explore the aspects you admire in others, it makes the process easier.
* You’ll begin to notice themes in what you admire in others and see who you are more clearly.


Show Notes

Make a List of 5 People You Admire [02:14]

These are people which make you stop and go wow! The list is not in hierarchical order, it’s simply a collection of five people you greatly admire.

This list of people will change overtime, but the things you admire in others won’t really change that much.

You can use this list to look at the people you admire and use them as signposts which point you to your inherent interests in life; the things that make you stop and be very present in life, the things which peak your curiosity.

My List of 5 [05:10]

I’m going to run through my own list and show you how I go into each person and identify what exactly I admire about them.

We usually admire specific aspects about a person and not everything that person is doing.

The aspects I admire in another reflect the parts inside myself which are noticing these aspects.

Nils Frahm [06:36]

Nils Frahm Is a composer and musician who lives in Berlin. I admire the way he composes music, I admire the way he performs live on stage. I admire his stage presence because he’s not trying to prove anything to anyone, he’s simply grounded within himself.

He’s not thinking about messing up, he’s not thinking about what the audience thinks of his music. He’s sitting there and letting his creative energy flow through him and allowing that to be translated onto the instrument in front of him.

I notice particular things about him. Why is it I’m noticing his self-grounding and how unaffected he is by hundreds of people watching him play? The things I admire are about him are personal to me.]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 35:48
033: Performing on Stage, Expression Through Hip-Hop and Thoughts on Self-Awareness – A Talk with Michael Slade https://bisforbeing.com/p/033-a-casual-talk-with-michael-slade Sat, 03 Dec 2016 21:03:09 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1719 https://bisforbeing.com/p/033-a-casual-talk-with-michael-slade#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/033-a-casual-talk-with-michael-slade/feed 0 Michael and I were housemates this year and would regularly find ourselves deep in conversation in the kitchen on topics of psychology, philosophy and the nature of the universe. The thought of recording these conversations often came up but never eventuated until now. This week's episode is a little different as I purposefully left the topic of our talk undecided. I let my questions come from a place of genuine curiousity instead of the expectation to make the best podcast episode in the world, and really, this is how all of our conversations have started in the past. We talk about the experience of performing on stage, why hip-hop is Mike's primary form of expression and Mike shares a heartfelt message to his 15 year old self when he was having a hard time in life. Michael has a degree in psychology and is an Australian hip-hop artist focused on spreading awareness and understanding through his music for us to re-connect with ourselves and each other. Michael and I were housemates this year and would regularly find ourselves deep in conversation in the kitchen on topics of psychology, philosophy and the nature of the universe. The thought of recording these conversations often came up but never eve...


Michael Slade

Michael and I were housemates this year and would regularly find ourselves deep in conversation in the kitchen on topics of psychology, philosophy and the nature of the universe.

The thought of recording these conversations often came up but never eventuated until now.

This week's episode is a little different as I purposefully left the topic of our talk undecided. I let my questions come from a place of genuine curiousity instead of the expectation to make the best podcast episode in the world, and really, this is how all of our conversations have started in the past.

We talk about the experience of performing on stage, why hip-hop is Mike's primary form of expression and Mike shares a heartfelt message to his 15 year old self when he was having a hard time in life.

Michael has a degree in psychology and is an Australian hip-hop artist focused on spreading awareness and understanding through his music for us to re-connect with ourselves and each other.


Highlights and Takeaways


* Nervous energy can transform into excitement when you're on stage.
* People aren't in a performance situation by accident. They have progressively built their experience and want to be on stage. They still feel nervous but they are not doubting their ability to perform.
* We're in a time of transition in the year 2016.
* Those of us with enough resources for food and shelter are in a privileged situation to create change in the world.
* There are no downsides to developing self-awareness: the awareness of how you're thinking and feeling in this moment.
* It's usually the most painful situations in life that have the ability to make us turn inwards and deepen our understanding of ourselves.


Show Notes

I Am Enough [02:38]


* Michael: I know I don’t always feel that I am enough. We feel we need certain relationships or other things (which may not be fulfilling), because we don’t feel like we are enough.
* I feel learning to accept myself is quite tricky. Growing up I was trying to achieve good grades or sporting awards - whatever I did I felt I had to be the best.
* For me, the phrase I am enough means accepting myself without needing to prove myself through achieving certain results or a particular status; It means just accepting myself for who I am, as I am.


The Transformation of Nervousness into Excitement [08:06]


* Michael: Hip Hop is a powerful form of expression for me. To get on stage and express is such a powerful feeling. I can’t compare it to anything else.
* I still find it difficult to get up on stage. I still get nervous and scared. But there is this strange transformation that happens; as soon as I get up there all of the nervous energy transforms into excitement. It’s amazing how quick this transformation happens, it’s like a switch.
* It was a powerfully insightful moment for me. I realised that the nervous energy and the excited energy were the same energy.
* Ben: You’re not on the stage because you don’t want to be there; you want to be there.
* I used to see people on stage and think, that must be terrifying. But to them they might be nervous but they want to be there, they aren’t doubting their ability to deliver.


What Are You Trying to Express Through Hip-Hop? [20:27]


* Michael: Hip-hop emerged out of New York in the mid-70s partly as a reaction to the urban decay that was happening at the time. There were a lot of unemployed youths and a there was a lot of violence going on.]]>
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032: The Artist’s Way – A Talk With Luna Ma Narama (Part 2) https://bisforbeing.com/p/032-the-artists-way-a-talk-with-luna-ma-narama-part-2 Sat, 26 Nov 2016 23:01:10 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1700 https://bisforbeing.com/p/032-the-artists-way-a-talk-with-luna-ma-narama-part-2#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/032-the-artists-way-a-talk-with-luna-ma-narama-part-2/feed 0 This is Part 2 of my talk with Luna. Here's Part 1 of our talk if you missed it. The Artist’s Way, written by Julia Cameron, is a well known tool for understanding and clearing the blocks which hold us back from knowing and expressing our creativity. In this episode, we go deep into the tools which The Artist's Way provides and share our own experiences of going through the course and the continued use of the tools well after completing the 12-week course. I began my Artist’s Way Journey at the end of 2012. I had just finished my degree in Film and was at a dead end creatively. I had so many film ideas and wasn’t working on a single one of them. I would procrastinate big time and do anything not to work on them even though I wanted to! Sounds crazy right? I knew my creative expression was blocked and that I was afraid of making a film which no one liked or making a film in the wrong way, but I didn't know why I was feeling this way. My mum had a copy of The Artist's Way and I would often find it laying around the house and flip through and read the inspiring quotes. Overtime I began procrastinating in more and more elaborate ways and still wasn't feeling free to create. I wanted to understand why I was so scared of making a film. It was around this time that The Artist's Way came up in conversation with a friend and we decided to start the 12-week journey together. I completed the course in early 2013 and found it helped me uncover some answers to why I was experiencing such a degree of creative-blockedness. The tools it provided were invaluable and I highly recommend the Book to anyone seeking to understand and reconnect with their creative expression. This is Part 2 of my talk with Luna. Here's Part 1 of our talk if you missed it. - The Artist’s Way, written by Julia Cameron, is a well known tool for understanding and clearing the blocks which hold us back from knowing and expressing our creativity...


Luna Ma Narama

This is Part 2 of my talk with Luna. Here's Part 1 of our talk if you missed it.

The Artist’s Way, written by Julia Cameron, is a well known tool for understanding and clearing the blocks which hold us back from knowing and expressing our creativity.

In this episode, we go deep into the tools which The Artist's Way provides and share our own experiences of going through the course and the continued use of the tools well after completing the 12-week course.

I began my Artist’s Way Journey at the end of 2012. I had just finished my degree in Film and was at a dead end creatively. I had so many film ideas and wasn’t working on a single one of them. I would procrastinate big time and do anything not to work on them even though I wanted to! Sounds crazy right?

I knew my creative expression was blocked and that I was afraid of making a film which no one liked or making a film in the wrong way, but I didn't know why I was feeling this way.

My mum had a copy of The Artist's Way and I would often find it laying around the house and flip through and read the inspiring quotes.

Overtime I began procrastinating in more and more elaborate ways and still wasn't feeling free to create. I wanted to understand why I was so scared of making a film. It was around this time that The Artist's Way came up in conversation with a friend and we decided to start the 12-week journey together.

I completed the course in early 2013 and found it helped me uncover some answers to why I was experiencing such a high degree of creative-blockedness. The tools it provided were invaluable and I highly recommend the Book to anyone seeking to understand and reconnect with their creative expression.



Highlights and Takeaways


* Sharing your work regularly makes it easier to take action on the creative urges you have.
* The outcome is irrelevant, it’s the creation that matters.
* You can discover what you want to express creatively by asking yourself, what experiences have I had? and which of these experiences do I want to share with others?
* Using free-form writing we can re-connect with our creative urges and identify the things we are doing which don't feel good for us.
* Asking yourself, with genuine care and curiosity, what it is you'd like to be doing now, strengthens your connection with your creative voice.
* Creativity is infused into life. There's no way for you not to be creative.


Show Notes

What is The Artist’s Way? [06:20]


* Luna: The Artist’s Way is a 12-week program (in a book) that is about uncovering your creative capabilities and creative style; and uncovering the heart of who you are.
* There a two consistent practices featured in the book: The Morning Pages - which is writing three pages of free flow writing as soon as you wake up, and Artist’s Dates - where you go and do something that inspires you once a week.
* Ben: Artist’s Dates are really fun.
* Luna: Those are so fun, and also really challenging to make yourself go to sometimes. That’s one of the most interesting things in The Artist’s Way process is watching where you resist stuff. It’s so interesting to watch yourself resist doing certain tasks because some of the tasks feel so uncomfortable because you have to uncover things and tell yourself the truth about things, and that can be very hard. We’re so good at distracting ourselves from those kinds of things.
]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 31:36
031: The Expectations We Place on Our Creativity and Making Space for the Creative Voice – A Talk With Luna Ma Narama (Part 1) https://bisforbeing.com/p/031-making-space-for-the-creative-voice-a-talk-with-luna-part-1 Sun, 20 Nov 2016 04:04:37 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1683 https://bisforbeing.com/p/031-making-space-for-the-creative-voice-a-talk-with-luna-part-1#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/031-making-space-for-the-creative-voice-a-talk-with-luna-part-1/feed 0 Luna is a poet and multidisciplinary artist who has worked across the fields of theater, puppetry, design, film and even circus. This little list only covers a portion of her creative experiences. From an early age she was expressing complex emotions, like the emotion of confusion, using water colour paints. She is no stranger to the creative journey and the different challenges and obstacles which can arise along the way. We sat down and talked about finding the balance between self-time and social-time, how to manage the expectations we we bring to our own creative process, and some of the ways we can make space for our unique creative voice to come through. This is Part 1 of my talk with Luna. Stay tuned for Part 2 which will be up next week. Luna is a poet and multidisciplinary artist who has worked across the fields of theater, puppetry, design, film and even circus. This little list only covers a portion of her creative experiences. - From an early age she was expressing complex emotion...


Luna Ma Narama

Luna is a poet and multidisciplinary artist who has worked across the fields of theater, puppetry, design, film and even circus. This little list only covers a portion of her creative experiences.

From an early age she was expressing complex emotions, like the emotion of confusion, using water colour paints.

She is no stranger to the creative journey and the different challenges and obstacles which can arise along the way.

We sat down and talked about finding the balance between self-time and social-time, how to manage the expectations we we bring to our own creative process, and some of the ways we can make space for our unique creative voice to come through.

This is Part 1 of my talk with Luna. Stay tuned for Part 2 which will be up next week.



Highlights and Takeaways


* It's a challenge trying to maintain the integrity of your own creative voice and market yourself at the same time.
* Making time to not do anything allows our minds to empty and provides the space for our creative voice to come to the surface.
* Creating space for yourself and maintaining social connections is a balancing act. Tuning into ourselves and asking, what do I need right now? Time with myself or time with others? ensures that we are filling ourselves with what we need in that moment.
* When we know the things which nourish and feed us creatively it becomes easier to say no to things because we know what we are saying yes to.
*  If you’re going to be weird be the best weird you can be.


Show Notes


* [09:56] Luna: People are innately creative. We are all working with different frequencies - much like tuning a radio. I might go and see a wonderful show with a friend and what I see is vocalised experimental performance and the power of colours clashing together and becoming words; and what she sees is gesture and motif and symbol through movement. From the same performance our creative muse works through us in completely different ways.


The Expectations We Place on Our Creativity [12:40]



* Ben: Whenever I took my interests seriously (trying to take it to the next level) I would often find myself getting really serious about it and put all this pressure on myself to produce something amazing to make people go, “wow!”
* Luna: We have this preconceived idea of what we should be doing. It’s easy to get caught up in the shoulds; “I should be performing here, I should be publishing there, I should be working with these people.” Everyone goes through those phases no matter what it is they have achieved so far.
* These shoulds run completely counter intuitively to the natural flow of creativity. The shoulds are coming from the head and completely divorced from the heart.
* I feel that we’ve become very driven by the sense of a marketplace. I watch a lot of artists who put themselves under a lot of pressure to market themselves and a lot of business ethics has has worked its way down into art: how are you promoting yourself?, who are you networked with? where are you sharing your work? as apposed with, what are you feeling? and are you sharing it?
* We’re curating ourselves all the time on social media and it becomes very hard to give yourself the space to go through the creative process (to just let it flow).
* Ben: It’s quite a delicate balance to stay true to the creative voice and market yourself at the same time.
* Luna: You can’t completely separate yourself f...]]>
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030: We’re All Hurting but Where Are the Tools for Healing? https://bisforbeing.com/p/030-we-are-all-hurting-but-why-dont-we-know-about-the-tools-for-healing Sat, 12 Nov 2016 21:00:05 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1666 https://bisforbeing.com/p/030-we-are-all-hurting-but-why-dont-we-know-about-the-tools-for-healing#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/030-we-are-all-hurting-but-why-dont-we-know-about-the-tools-for-healing/feed 0 I had a pretty good childhood but there was still a fair amount of anxiety, fear, blame, and impatience thrown around. There are small events and big events in life which leave us with psycho-emotional wounds to carry around. Often we have no idea these wounds are there because they only come to the surface when they're triggered. I feel these wounds are a guaranteed part of life, unfortunately understanding and healing them is a different story. As a kid I wasn't given the tools for healing and unless I went looking for them I wouldn't have any idea it was even possible to understand and heal my wounds. This is a passionate episode. I share my thoughts and detail why I've dedicated my life to the discovery of tools both known and unknown. I had a pretty good childhood but there was still a fair amount of anxiety, fear, blame, and impatience thrown around. - There are small events and big events in life which leave us with psycho-emotional wounds to carry around.


I had a pretty good childhood but there was still a fair amount of anxiety, fear, blame, and impatience thrown around.

There are small events and big events in life which leave us with psycho-emotional wounds to carry around. Often we have no idea these wounds are there because they only come to the surface when they're triggered.

I feel these wounds are a guaranteed part of life, unfortunately understanding and healing them is a different story.

As a kid I wasn't given the tools for healing and unless I went looking for them I wouldn't have any idea it was even possible to understand and heal my wounds.

This is a passionate episode. I share my thoughts and detail why I've dedicated my life to the discovery of tools both known and unknown.


Highlights and Takeaways


* We are all carrying some form of emotional or psychological pain. It's inherent to being a human being.
* As a kid I wasn't aware that there were things I could heal inside me.
* Writing and meditation are two powerful tools for healing.
* Writing makes it easier to understand our mental-emotional state.
* The body and mind naturally begin to clear when we take time to just be.
* I'm dedicated to discovering and sharing the most powerful tools.
* When we are feeling good about ourselves we can create beautiful things together.
* We haven't yet seen what we are capable of when we are working together in an environment of encouragement and support for each other.


Show Notes

We Hurt Each Other and We Don’t Even Know Why [01:01]


* I had a good childhood but still there was anxiety and unhappiness, fear and insecurity in my family.
* No one wants to feel hurt, no one wants to hurt someone else and yet we do it all the time.
* We haven’t been show in childhood how to identify our feelings and how to deal with them. That’s why they come out in angry or frustrated outbursts.
* This causes trauma. Trauma, small or big, builds up over time.


I Thought I Had Healed All the Things [03:57]


* I’ve dedicated a large part of my life to understanding my feelings: like why I react with fear in certain situations. I thought I knew what was going on.
* I’m still suffering from not accepting myself fully as I am right now. It’s affecting the way I share, it’s affecting my creativity and it’s affecting my relationships.
* I thought I had healed all the things because I was experiencing so much ease with partners and friends. But I’ve been reminded that I still have healing to do.


The healing process comes in waves.


* Something will trigger our psycho-emotional wounds and they come to the surface where we can begin to look at them. I’ve chosen to always look at these wounds so I can begin to heal them instead of push them down and repress them.
* We can always repress these wounds but there comes a point where the space we are storing all of our ‘stuff’ becomes full. Once this space is full they come to the surface and we can’t do anything except pay attention to them because they begin to greatly affect our everyday experience.


We Need to Know How to Heal Before We Can Heal [08:05]


* I am dealing with emotional wounds which affect my life but I haven’t been aware of the tools to heal these wounds. I know that I need to heal my emotional wounds but I don’t know how to do it.
* If these wounds are affecting my life but I don’t know how to heal them - then I need to go searchi...]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 23:50
029: Stepping Out of Stagnation – 5 Actionable Reminders for Taking The Next Big Step in Life https://bisforbeing.com/p/029-stepping-out-of-stagnation-5-actionable-reminders-for-taking-the-next-big-step-in-life Sat, 29 Oct 2016 21:00:17 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1633 https://bisforbeing.com/p/029-stepping-out-of-stagnation-5-actionable-reminders-for-taking-the-next-big-step-in-life#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/029-stepping-out-of-stagnation-5-actionable-reminders-for-taking-the-next-big-step-in-life/feed 0 Usually we’re going to experience some fear when taking a big step into a new experience; moving out of home, travelling overseas, starting a relationship - these are things we may genuinely want for ourselves but find ourselves unable to take action because where afraid of what this new experience will bring.In this episode, I share five actionable reminders that have helped me become clearer on my next big step and allowed me to take progressive action towards achieving it. Usually we’re going to experience some fear when taking a big step into a new experience; moving out of home, travelling overseas, starting a relationship - these are things we may genuinely want for ourselves but find ourselves unable to take action b...


Usually we’re going to experience some fear when taking a big step into a new experience; moving out of home, travelling overseas, starting a relationship - these are things we may genuinely want for ourselves but find ourselves unable to take action because where afraid of what this new experience will bring.

In this episode, I share five actionable reminders that have helped me become clearer on my next big step and allowed me to take progressive action towards achieving it.



Highlights and Takeaways

1. You Don’t Have to Do Anything [07:38]


* I often put pressure on myself to take that next big step. This results in me feeling stressed. Once I remove those expectations the pressure and stress go away.
* We don’t need to do anything. We don’t need to do anything we don’t want to.
* If we feel pressure on us it usually means we are placing expectations on ourselves.
* When we take action from a place of pressure it affects the action we take and can lead to us feeling stressed, which can result in conflicts with those around us.
* We always have the choice to say, ‘Yes, I’m doing this.’ Or, ‘No, it’s not the right time.’
* We forget we have this choice because we’ve placed expectations on ourselves for such a long time.


2. Change Your Environment [12:04]


* By changing my environment I’m changing my perspective. From this new perspective I can see the different pieces I’m working with more clearly.
* There are a few ways I change my environment and they can be fun:

* Reorganise my whole bedroom and work space.
* Brush my teeth in a different location; sitting in the bath, standing in the shower or facing a different direction in the bathroom.
* Walk a different way to work, or take a different bus or train.


* Refreshing your environment helps you see your situation more clearly.


3. Become Clear on What You Want to Do and Why [17:09]


* Without being clear on what you want to achieve and why it’s easy to take unfocused action.
* Writing can help us become clearer on what we want to achieve.
* Write about what you feel you want to achieve and keep asking yourself, ‘why do I want to achieve that?’ After every why questions usually there will be some more words to write. Through this process, you become clearer on what you’re trying to achieve and why.
* With more clarity on what you want to achieve it’s easier to see what the next action step is.
* Using this process you may uncover that you are trying to achieve multiple big steps at once. Use writing to explore which one is the most important next step for you.
* It’s very difficult to tackle multiple big steps at once.


4. Reflect on Your Past Achievements [20:08]


* Reminding myself of my past achievements helps me know I’m capable of handling any situation.
* Seeing what I’ve come through in the past helps to remove some of the fear of, “What is going to happen when I take this next step?”
* We know we can handle any situation that’s thrown at us because we’ve come through tough situations in the past.
* Write down one of the most stressful situations you’ve been in. If you got through that then you can take the next step even though you don’t know what’s going to happen.


5. Breaking Big Steps into Small Actions [22:55]


* Breaking our big step into smaller steps makes it easier to take action everyday and not be overwhelme...]]>
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028: The Gift of Listening and 30 Days of Dancing in Public – A Talk with Elliot https://bisforbeing.com/p/028-the-gift-of-listening-and-30-days-of-dancing-in-public-a-talk-with-elliot Sat, 22 Oct 2016 21:00:00 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1634 https://bisforbeing.com/p/028-the-gift-of-listening-and-30-days-of-dancing-in-public-a-talk-with-elliot#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/028-the-gift-of-listening-and-30-days-of-dancing-in-public-a-talk-with-elliot/feed 0 Elliot is continually stepping out into the unknown and challenging his comfort zone. He does this seemingly unaffected by the judgements and beliefs of others. I asked about the earlier years of his life and he shared with me that things haven’t always been like this. As a kid he was cut down for asking too many questions and experienced rejection from others when sharing his early video projects. As a result he stopped sharing himself with others. But overtime he’s managed to step outside external judgements and beliefs and express himself with even more freedom and authenticity. We look at how we can give the gift of listening to each other; how Elliot steps outside his comfort zone, and his latest project - 30 Days of Dance - which involves him dancing in public everyday for a month, making himself vulnerable for all to see and encouraging others to join him in this open form of expression. Dancing in public and not


Elliot Cahill

Elliot is continually stepping out into the unknown and challenging his comfort zone. He does this seemingly unaffected by the judgements and beliefs of others.

I asked about the earlier years of his life and he shared with me that things haven’t always been like this.

As a kid he was cut down for asking too many questions and experienced rejection from others when sharing his early video projects. As a result he stopped sharing himself with others.

But overtime he’s managed to step outside external judgements and beliefs and express himself with even more freedom and authenticity.

We look at how we can give the gift of listening to each other; how Elliot steps outside his comfort zone, and his latest project - 30 Days of Dance - which involves him dancing in public everyday for a month, making himself vulnerable for all to see and encouraging others to join him in this open form of expression.



Highlights and Takeaways


* Listening to others is a free gift you can give to anyone.
* By listening to others with no intention of responding you give them space to share themselves with you.
* People’s personal stories (past beliefs which are based on their own experiences) can be triggered by how we express ourselves. Their reactions have nothing to with us and what we are doing.
* We are conditioned to think if something isn’t pleasing or entertaining then it is wrong.
* We shut down parts of our expression because we experienced a painful situation and feel the expression of ourselves was the cause of that painful experience.
* Having an experience outside of our comfort zone shows us we are capable of doing things we previously thought we couldn’t do.
* When you’re vulnerable with others you encourage others to be vulnerable with you.
* We attempt to keep other people happy because we want to feel accepted and feel that we belong.
* We can feel that we have to act a certain way just to be accepted. But by being yourself you naturally attract people who accepted you as you are and not for who you’re trying to be.
* Removing the importance of what other people think of us allows us to step outside of our comfort zone and just be ourselves.


Show Notes


* Ben: When did we first meet?
* Elliot: We met in the middle of Hay Street mall during an event The Liberators held which was about dancing in public and providing a space for people to express themselves freely. I have a video background and you have a video background and we came together as videographers and we were talking about the direction of the night.
* Ben: That’s right, I remember. There was a DJ being carted around on a trolley. The intention of that event was to encourage members of the public to just dance, it was a Friday evening after work. It was to encourage everyone to just dance and express themselves.
* Elliot: I would say Break the loop, break the routine. Break out of. “OK, it’s Friday. Let’s go out to a pub and have some drinks.” We’re providing a space to try something different. If you feel you have the confidence to step out of your comfort zone, here’s the place.
* We’re facilitators; we’re there to provide a space for others to come back to your core and release your inner-child without the fear of looking bad in front of others, really giving up the judgments and the internal dialogue that goes on in your head like, “what will happen if I do this?” It’s a neutral space, you can come into however you desire.
* Ben: You mentioned space for the inner-child to be expressed.]]>
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027: Choose Your Own Adventure in Life With Present Moment Awareness https://bisforbeing.com/p/027-choose-your-own-adventure-in-life-with-present-moment-awareness Sat, 15 Oct 2016 21:00:55 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1489 https://bisforbeing.com/p/027-choose-your-own-adventure-in-life-with-present-moment-awareness#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/027-choose-your-own-adventure-in-life-with-present-moment-awareness/feed 0 When I learned that my beliefs were behind the thoughts I was having and the feelings I felt I realised if I changed my beliefs I could also change how I experienced life.I also learned that beliefs continually reinforce themselves through the experiences they create - the experience made up of our thoughts and feelings.I saw that these experiences were always related to the original belief. If the belief was negative I would experience negative thoughts and negative feelings; if a belief was positive I would experience positive thoughts and positive feelings.This belief - thought - feeling - experience process continually reinforces the original belief as the experience it creates has originated from it.While practicing being in the present moment I noticed that any difficult experience I was having felt easier and less overwhelming, and I also noticed that I had more space to decide if I wanted to keep being in that experience or choose a different experience entirely.In this episode I share the process I’ve been using to come into the present moment using my feelings and how that has created the space for me to choose a new action which isn’t from the original belief.Using this process I’ve watched some of my biggest negative beliefs fade away and be replaced by beliefs of positivity, compassion and self-growth. When I learned that my beliefs were behind the thoughts I was having and the feelings I felt I realised if I changed my beliefs I could also change how I experienced life.I also learned that beliefs continually reinforce themselves through the experien...


When I learned that my beliefs were behind the thoughts I was having and the feelings I felt I realised if I changed my beliefs I could also change how I experienced life.

I also learned that beliefs continually reinforce themselves through the experiences they create - the experience made up of our thoughts and feelings.

I saw that these experiences were always related to the original belief. If the belief was negative I would experience negative thoughts and negative feelings; if a belief was positive I would experience positive thoughts and positive feelings.

This belief > thought > feeling > experience process continually reinforces the original belief as the experience it creates has originated from it.

While practicing being in the present moment I noticed that any difficult experience I was having felt easier and less overwhelming, and I also noticed that I had more space to decide if I wanted to keep being in that experience or choose a different experience entirely.

In this episode I share the process I’ve been using to come into the present moment using my feelings and how that has created the space for me to choose a new action which isn’t of the original belief.

Using this process I’ve watched some of my biggest negative beliefs fade away and be replaced by beliefs of positivity, compassion and self-growth.


Highlights and Takeaways


* Beliefs are created from our experiences of the world around us.
* Beliefs dictate the thoughts we have and the feelings we feel.
* Beliefs reinforce themselves through the thoughts and feelings they give rise to.
* A negative belief will create negative thoughts and as a result we feel negative feelings. A positive belief creates positive thoughts and positive feelings.
* Coming into the present moment breaks the energy cycle of our limiting beliefs and provides a space where we can take a new action.
* There’s nothing more we need to do to enter the present moment than becoming aware of our present experience.
* Acceptance is a vital part of present moment awareness, without it we can continue resisting or repressing our experience in this moment.
* Present moment awareness is not an analytical process, it’s an open listening to how we are in this moment.
* We can tell we are in the present moment when we sense any amount of relief or ease from what we are experiencing.
* New action leads to new experiences. From new experiences we begin to build new beliefs. These new beliefs will change the way we think and feel in our lives
* We all have the ability to come into the present moment.


Show Notes

I want to explore how we form beliefs and also how our beliefs are triggered by the events around us, and with awareness of the experience of the thoughts we’re having and the feelings we’re having we can come into the present moment. From that present moment we then have a choice to take a different action, to walk a different way or make a different decision, whatever it is we desire. And it’s the space that’s created by the present moment which allows us to do that, which allows us to make that new decision.

This is where the amazing part is; every time we take that new action we’re starting to build up new beliefs on a different pathway that have nothing to do with our old beliefs, they’re not conditioned by them, they’re not bound by them, and over time these beliefs give rise to new experiences because it’s the belief that is causing particular thoughts and feelings to come up for us.

In this way,]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 26:42
026: Trusting I am Enough https://bisforbeing.com/p/026-trusting-enough Sat, 08 Oct 2016 21:00:35 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1467 https://bisforbeing.com/p/026-trusting-enough#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/026-trusting-enough/feed 0 I lost myself a bit this week. Actually the past few weeks I’ve been trying to become really clear on the value I’m offering with B is for Being and look at how I can provide you with more valuable takeaways with every episode. I began to look at how other successful bloggers and podcasters were sharing with their sizeable audiences. I thought, ‘they are definitely doing something right if they have so many people listening. I just need to do what they’re doing and I’ll have a bigger audience too. They had catchy titles and spoke with reassuring authority. Great, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll write catchy titles and speak with more authority. With this new perspective I begun to explore possible topics for this week’s episode, and as I started writing from this new perspective I noticed a sense of dis-ease and tension building. Something didn’t feel right. I’d forgotten something really important. The essence of why I was sharing. I lost trust in how I was sharing. I was doubting that how I was sharing contained any real value for you. In this episode I share my process of rediscovering my authentic voice and how a single YouTube video reminded me of the essence of why I’m doing what I’m doing. I lost myself a bit this week. Actually the past few weeks I’ve been trying to become really clear on the value I’m offering with B is for Being and look at how I can provide you with more valuable takeaways with every episode. -


I lost myself a bit this week. Actually the past few weeks I’ve been trying to become really clear on the value I’m offering with B is for Being and look at how I can provide you with more valuable takeaways with every episode.

I began to look at how other successful bloggers and podcasters were sharing with their sizeable audiences. I thought, ‘they are definitely doing something right if they have so many people listening. I just need to do what they’re doing and I’ll have a bigger audience too.

They had catchy titles and spoke with reassuring authority. Great, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll write catchy titles and speak with more authority.

With this new perspective I begun to explore possible topics for this week’s episode, and as I started writing from this new perspective I noticed a sense of dis-ease and tension building. Something didn’t feel right.

I’d forgotten something really important.

The essence of why I was sharing.

I stopped trusting I am enough. I was doubting that how I was sharing contained any real value for you.

In this episode I share my process of rediscovering my authentic voice and how a single YouTube video reminded me of the essence of why I’m doing what I’m doing.



Highlights and Takeaways


* When things are feeling hard it usually means it’s time for a break to take a look at what’s going on.
* It's easy to think we should be doing something differently to how we are. To think, 'surely what I'm doing right now could be better in some way.'
* We can lose touch with ourselves, our authenticity, when we look for ways in which we should be differently to how we are.
* There is no one who can express themselves more uniquely than you.
* There is no other you and there is no other me.
* It's more than enough to share yourself as you are; complete with your current skill levels, the ways you express yourself and the ways you don't.


Show Notes


* Ben: As I mentioned in Episode 025 I’ve been trying to get a clear understanding of what I’m doing with B is for Being and deliver a message every week that has value to you, something you can takeaway and use in your own life.
* I started looking around at other (successful) podcasts I listen to, and I was thinking, “yeah, I really want to help a lot of people. I want a lot of people to listen to my podcast so I’m going to do what they’re doing.” I started looking at what they were doing; how they were speaking and the titles of their episodes, and I thought, “ah ok! I need catchy titles, I need to be solving people’s problems.” This is what they are all saying - if you want an audience you need to solve people’s problems. And I agree with that, but I didn’t feel like I was helping anyone with the way I was sharing already.
* So I started writing down some titles for future episodes, like “How to stop procrastinating forever with this one easy tip.” the whole time I was doing this I began to feel some pressure building, like some kind of friction. Things were starting feel harder and harder and my level of exhaustion was rising and rising.
* When I’ve felt that before it usually means I need to take a break and have a look at what’s not working. At the time I just thought I didn’t have a lot of clarity on exactly the areas I wanted to share on. So I was looking for this tagline to describe what I do. But I was looking for this tagline in the language and voice of the other websites and podcasts I follow.


Rediscovering My Essence


* I kept overlooking what I’d already done.]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 16:43
025: What B is for Being is All About https://bisforbeing.com/p/025-what-b-is-for-being-is-all-about Sat, 01 Oct 2016 21:00:56 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1430 https://bisforbeing.com/p/025-what-b-is-for-being-is-all-about#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/025-what-b-is-for-being-is-all-about/feed 0 It’s been a big week. I’m in the process of refining what I share with you and part of that process has involved me asking myself a lot of questions. Some of which are: who exactly am I trying to reach with what I’m sharing, and what was it that inspired me to start sharing in the first place? All of these questions got me to look back at my own journey. As I looked back at the last 3 years of my life, I realised a lot has changed for me. Two areas of my life have undergone significant change. My creativity and my relationships with others. In this episode I share the journey leading up to the realisation which compelled me to start B is for Being and take a look at why it’s at the core of everything I share. Buckle up, it’s story time! It’s been a big week. I’m in the process of refining what I share with you and part of that process has involved me asking myself a lot of questions. Some of which are: who exactly am I trying to reach with what I’m sharing,


It’s been a big week. I’m in the process of refining what I share with you and part of that process has involved me asking myself a lot of questions. Some of which are: who exactly am I trying to reach with what I’m sharing, and what was it that inspired me to start sharing in the first place?

All of these questions got me to look back at my own journey.

As I looked back at the last 3 years of my life, I realised a lot has changed for me. Two areas of my life have undergone significant change. My creativity and my relationships with others.

In this episode I share the journey leading up to the realisation which compelled me to start B is for Being and take a look at why it’s at the core of everything I share.

Buckle up, it’s story time!

Highlights and Takeaways


* I was creatively blocked.
* I felt insecure in my relationships with other people (friends, family and partners) and never felt like I could just relax and be myself.
* I was having a hard time in a relationship I was in and went search for answers on how to stop feeling so bad.
* Self-awareness and acceptance was the main theme of all the self-help books I read.
* Fear-bound energy (fearful thoughts and feelings) can be cleared with self-awareness and acceptance.
* Our authentic state of being is always there. And it’s always been there.
* The combination of self-awareness and acceptance, present moment awareness, and a compassionate self relationship form a powerful tool for self-transformation.


Show Notes

Creativity and Relationships


* Ben: I could feel this desire to create and express myself. At the time I was doing a lot of video projects, writing short stories and film scripts - but all of these projects I’d quickly lose interest in or find myself procrastinating about working on them and never get anything done. So I ended up with hundreds of unfinished projects.
* There were some times when I would get lucky and feel really inspired and sit down for one or two days and produce a video or even a song. But that didn’t happen so often. I was often waiting to feel that inspiration instead of working on a project progressively until it was finished.
* I wasn’t having such a flowing time with my relationships with other people. So my friendships, my interactions with family, my interactions with partners. This isn’t to say that these interactions were all bad and horrible, we still had great times, but I never felt like I could completely relax around others. And that might sound strange to some people who know me because on the outside I seem very relaxed and calm and chilled out. But on the inside I was always alert and watching what I said and did. I made sure I always had something interesting to say or that I was trying to be funny or crazy. And for me this felt like a necessity, like I always had to keep proving that I was interesting and likeable and intriguing for those around me to stay friends with me. And I even had the thought that people were just hanging around me because once upon a time they’d seen something interesting in me, but it was kind of an accident; like they’d seen me do something when I was having a really good day and then they thought, “awwh, Ben’s this really cool guy, he does those things.” I thought it’s only a matter of time before they discover how un-interesting I was. So I felt this pressure to be someone I wasn’t in order to maintain that connection with the person.
* Obviously all of this insecurity is going to be compounded in my intimate relationships. I was really fearing that the person I was with would uncover this complete mundaneness, this complete uninteresting part of me that I thought was the default me.]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 21:48
024: Self-Acceptance Comes Before Self-Help https://bisforbeing.com/p/024-self-acceptance-comes-before-self-help Sat, 24 Sep 2016 21:00:38 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1406 https://bisforbeing.com/p/024-self-acceptance-comes-before-self-help#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/024-self-acceptance-comes-before-self-help/feed 0 Practicing self-acceptance can be challenging while we're holding beliefs that we should be thinking, feeling, doing or being something different to how we are. Unconditional acceptance of ourselves has the power to completely dissolve our strongest beliefs of inadequacy. In this episode I take a look at two of the dynamics which can result from using self-help material before we've accepted our current mental/emotional state. These dynamics can keep us running in cycles of inadequacy and seeking temporary relief without ever actually addressing the core of the problem. I share some of my own experiences and challenges with self-acceptance and how I realised I was using self-help material against myself instead of for genuine self-understanding and growth. Practicing self-acceptance can be challenging while we're holding beliefs that we should be thinking, feeling, doing or being something different to how we are. - Unconditional acceptance of ourselves has the power to completely dissolve our stron...


Practicing self-acceptance can be challenging while we're holding beliefs that we should be thinking, feeling, doing or being something different to how we are. But unconditional acceptance of ourselves has the power to completely dissolve our strongest beliefs of inadequacy.

In this episode I take a look at two of the dynamics which can result from using self-help material before we've accepted our current mental/emotional state. These dynamics can keep us running in circles of feeling inadequate and then seeking temporary relief, without actually addressing the core of how we feel.

I share some of my own experiences and challenging times with accepting myself and how I realised I was using self-help material against myself instead of for genuine self-understanding and growth.

Highlights and Takeaways


* We can use self-help material as ammunition against ourselves.
* Using self-help material as a temporary fix is easy to do but doesn’t touch our underlying core beliefs of feeling inadequate.
* All self-help material is designed to help us. But if we skip ourselves in the process we’re missing out the most important part.
* Accepting how you are right now dissolves any feelings of ‘I’m not good enough and I need to be better.
* Accepting ourselves is us accepting everything that we’re thinking and feeling right now.
* It feels counter intuitive to accept such a strong unpleasant reaction.
* It takes courage to completely accept everything you're experiencing right now.
* Acceptance is an on going practice. It’s not something you do once or twice and then you’re done.


Show Notes


* Ben: If we don’t accept how we are right now (thoughts, feelings, our current level of clarity and confusion) and go straight to trying to fix ourselves with self-help material, it’s very easy for us to use this new information to reinforce a belief that we are not good enough as we are right now. That we are inherently inadequate.
* We can use self-help material as ‘quick-fixes’ for our feelings of inadequacy. When we just look for these fixes and haven’t accepted ourselves first, we may feel temporarily better when we apply these fixes or read some comforting words but we need to keep coming back and finding new material, new inspiring words, new words of healing and hope for us to feel better again. And it’s possible to continue this process for a very long time without actually addressing our deeper core beliefs of inadequacy, brokenness, wrongness, etc.
* Without accepting what’s already there inside us (before searching for self-help material) we can easily slip into just looking for these quick fixes and staying in this cycle of not really changing anything for ourselves, but applying these ‘temporary relief band aids.’ We feel a bit better for a short time and then those feelings come back and we have to do it again. So nothing really ever shifts in that process.


How We Use Self-Help Material Against Ourselves


* As I mentioned first – we can use self-help material as ammunition against ourselves to reinforce our belief that we should be better than we are.
* I was reading The Power of Now a few years ago, obviously that’s a book that’s been designed to help people. There’s a lot of information about how to step out of compulsive thinking. At the time I was reading this, my belief that I should be better than I was, was still very strong. And I’m reading this information and thinking, ‘oh my god, I’ve got to stop thinking’ and every time I had a thought I started beating myself up for always being out of the moment, ‘ahhh I shouldn’t be thinking!’ ‘ah I can’t do this.’ ‘This book is telling me I should just be in the moment and...]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 21:48
023: How My Parents Let Me Down and Why It Was Never Their Fault https://bisforbeing.com/p/023-how-my-parents-let-me-down Sat, 10 Sep 2016 21:00:08 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1359 https://bisforbeing.com/p/023-how-my-parents-let-me-down#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/023-how-my-parents-let-me-down/feed 0 A raw look at two of the biggest limiting beliefs my parents passed on to me and the tools I used to discover they weren't to blame. As kids we were around our parents almost everyday. We looked to our parents on how to relate to the world around us, and just like a thirsty sponge we soaked up everything they showed us - both the good and the bad. We watched our parents go through their own struggles and took note (usually sub-consciously) of how they reacted to certain situations, certain people and certain  feelings they were experiencing. But why would our parents show us things which would make our lives harder and healthy connections with others more difficult? Why would our parents treat themselves and others poorly in certain situations? These were the questions I had as I began to dig deeper and deeper into my negative reactions which were causing trouble in my own relationships with others. Show Highlights and Takeaways Our parents have given us a lot of helpful positive beliefs and also the negative. We don’t usually acknowledge the positive gifts as they enhance the quality of our lives and don’t usually get in the way. The negative beliefs, cause friction within ourselves and in our interactions with other people. So these are what we notice as they can make our lives unpleasant. Ben: I was in a relationship and noticing I was having very strong negative reactions in certain situations. At the time I was already in the habit of writing down my feelings, so I explored these negative reactions in my writing. I discovered that I held the beliefs: That I was inherently unworthy of receiving love, and I needed to prove my worthiness in order to receive it. And that my default state was inadequate, that I wasn’t good enough just as I was. These beliefs caused me to search outside myself for a sense of love and acceptance, and undermined all of my creative pursuits, how I socialised, how I expressed myself… I asked myself why do I feel this way? I found that this was how my mum and dad operated. I saw that I was copying what I’d seen my parents role model to me as a kid. This was how their own relationship was and I was just copying what I saw. It made sense to me. The two people that were constantly in my life as a kid were my mum and dad - I was relying on them to give me love and acceptance, so whatever they said I accepted. I wasn’t going to question how they were showing me to live. And all these years later these beliefs were causing me some problems. The behaviours they’d shown me in their relationship had started to cause me problems in my own relationships. When I saw I’d picked up these beliefs from them I became incredibly angry. I couldn’t belief they would act that way towards each other and other people. I felt disappointed, I felt let down and that things should have gone differently. Because if things went differently I would not be having the problems I’m having right now. Why Would My Parents Show My These Negative Beliefs and Behaviours? I wanted to know why they why the would act that way? Why did they think that would be a good idea? I continued exploring by asking myself questions. Writing down what I’d discovered and asking myself: why would that be the case? Why would my mum only believe that love only comes to you from another person when you’ve proved your worth? Why would I believe from my dad that things are inherently not good enough? I discovered they were behaving in that way, not because they wanted to, not because they were even aware of their behaviour, but they were just copying how their parents had done things. But Why Would Their Parents Act That Way? Why did their parents believe love only came from outside you and that people are inadequate by default and be better than they are. I saw that these behaviours had just been passed on. A raw look at two of the biggest limiting beliefs my parents passed on to me and the tools I used to discover they weren't to blame. As kids we were around our parents almost everyday. We looked to our parents on how to relate to the world around us...


As kids we were around our parents almost everyday. We looked to our parents on how to relate to the world around us, and just like a thirsty sponge we soaked up everything they showed us - both the good and the bad.

We watched our parents go through their own struggles and took note (usually sub-consciously) of how they reacted to certain situations, certain people and certain  feelings they were experiencing.

But why would our parents show us things which would make our lives harder and healthy connections with others more difficult? Why would our parents treat themselves and others poorly in certain situations? These were the questions I had as I began to dig deeper and deeper into my negative reactions which were causing trouble in my own relationships with others.

Show Highlights and Takeaways


* Our parents have given us a lot of helpful positive beliefs and also the negative.
* We don’t usually acknowledge the positive gifts as they enhance the quality of our lives and don’t usually get in the way.
* The negative beliefs, cause friction within ourselves and in our interactions with other people. So these are what we notice as they can make our lives unpleasant.
* Ben: I was in a relationship and noticing I was having very strong negative reactions in certain situations. At the time I was already in the habit of writing down my feelings, so I explored these negative reactions in my writing.
* I discovered that I held the beliefs:

* That I was inherently unworthy of receiving love, and I needed to prove my worthiness in order to receive it.
* And that my default state was inadequate, that I wasn’t good enough just as I was.


* These beliefs caused me to search outside myself for a sense of love and acceptance, and undermined all of my creative pursuits, how I socialised, how I expressed myself…
* I asked myself why do I feel this way? I found that this was how my mum and dad operated. I saw that I was copying what I’d seen my parents role model to me as a kid. This was how their own relationship was and I was just copying what I saw.
* It made sense to me. The two people that were constantly in my life as a kid were my mum and dad - I was relying on them to give me love and acceptance, so whatever they said I accepted. I wasn’t going to question how they were showing me to live.
* And all these years later these beliefs were causing me some problems.


The behaviours they’d shown me in their relationship had started to cause me problems in my own relationships.


* When I saw I’d picked up these beliefs from them I became incredibly angry. I couldn’t belief they would act that way towards each other and other people.
* I felt disappointed, I felt let down and that things should have gone differently. Because if things went differently I would not be having the problems I’m having right now.


Why Would My Parents Show My These Negative Beliefs and Behaviours?


* I wanted to know why they why the would act that way? Why did they think that would be a good idea?
* I continued exploring by asking myself questions. Writing down what I’d discovered and asking myself: why would that be the case?

* Why would my mum only believe that love only comes to you from another person when you’ve proved your worth?
* Why would I believe from my dad that things are inherently not good enough?


* I discovered they were behaving in that way, not because they wanted to, not because they were even aware of their behaviour,]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 19:36
022: Feeling Selfish for Taking Care of Our Needs – A Talk with Eve Laurén https://bisforbeing.com/p/022-feeling-selfish Sat, 03 Sep 2016 21:00:43 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1353 https://bisforbeing.com/p/022-feeling-selfish#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/022-feeling-selfish/feed 0 I met Eve at OM Power Yoga. She is my Yoga teacher. Her classes are fun, spontaneous and not afraid to flow in a different direction. Her studio offers much more than your average dose of downward dogs. It has organically evolved into a thriving social hub with regular after class chai-time and spontaneous hangouts quickly becoming the norm. Eve’s dynamic and ever-flowing energy has been a cornerstone of this evolution, but Eve’s own evolution has been far from average. Following a period of intense accidents, Eve decided to make some changes in her life – to start making decisions for herself based in love instead of fear. In the second half of this episode we dive into why it’s felt so difficult to take care of our needs around other people and share some practical tips which have made this process much easier, resulting in our needs being taken care of and others feeling respected. I met Eve at OM Power Yoga. She is my Yoga teacher. Her classes are fun, spontaneous and not afraid to flow in a different direction. - Her studio offers much more than your average dose of downward dogs. It has organically evolved into a thriving soc...


Eve summoning her inner honey badger

I met Eve at OM Power Yoga. She is my Yoga teacher. Her classes are fun, spontaneous and not afraid to flow in a different direction.

Her studio offers much more than your average dose of downward dogs. In just a few months it has organically evolved into a thriving social hub with regular after class chai-time and spontaneous hangouts quickly becoming the norm. Eve’s dynamic and ever-flowing energy has been a cornerstone of this evolution.

Her own evolution has been far from average. Following a period of intense accidents Eve decided to make some changes in her life – to start making decisions for herself from a place of love instead of fear.

In the later half of this episode we dive into why it feels so difficult to take care of our needs around other people and share some practical tips that make this process easier - resulting in our needs being taken care of and others feeling respected.

Show Highlights and Takeaways


* Everyone is going through some kind of struggle.
* Sonder: the realisation that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own. (definition via The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows)
* Some of our earliest childhood memories are what shape us.
* We can have limiting core beliefs based on these memories. These beliefs affect how we think, feel and act.
* The act of giving to others can come from a place of fear; giving in order to feel liked and accepted.


When you base your life out of fear (or anything other than your heart and your truth) the universe will keep giving you signs to come back to your truth.


* We can always choose to act from a place of love (compassion, connection with ourselves and others) instead of a place of fear.
* We can all connect with our inner Honey Badger – Honey badger is badass. Honey badger don’t care.


Taking Care of Your Needs Around Other People


* Be honest with the other person about your needs.
* However they might not understand where you’re coming from. They may not have experienced waking up to the fact that we can be whoever we want to be, not just the person we are told we should be.
* Simply trying to explain what you need and how you’d like to take care of yourself may be threatening to someone who hasn’t seen that as a possibility for themselves.
* Part of living your truth is letting go of the things which do not serve you. It can be difficult to let go (of people) but it always opens the door for new connections and new possibilities to come into your life.


Choosing the Option Which Serves You Best


* (scenario) I’m at my friends birthday party. I’m tired and have to wake up early tomorrow for work.
* Option A: If I leave the party my friend will be unhappy and wonder what’s going on, but I’ll feel good for taking care of my needs and getting enough sleep.
* Option B: If I stay at the party there won’t be a problem with my friend but I won’t be able to enjoy myself because I know I should be at home sleeping.
* Tip: Flip a Coin You can find out what it is you truly want if you get the side of the coin you didn’t want.
* If you’re having trouble connecting with what you truly desire, what you truly want, you’re probably overwhelmed by the outcomes of the options you have. Basing our decisions on the possible outcomes of a decision isn’t always the best way to make a decision. Focusing on the outcomes can bring our past cond...]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 36:58
021: A Look at Self-Worth – A Talk with Tim https://bisforbeing.com/p/021-self-worth-tim Sat, 27 Aug 2016 21:00:45 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1323 https://bisforbeing.com/p/021-self-worth-tim#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/021-self-worth-tim/feed 0 Tim's life is flowing with creativity, authentic relationships, and expansive personal growth that's taking place at an exponential rate. The first time I met Tim I was blown away by his solid sense of Self and I noticed he wasn't looking to anyone to see how he should act or what he should do next; he was simply and completely just being himself. During our conversation I discovered Tim hasn't always lived a life of such grounded flow. He experienced a big shift in his life at age 14 and then again at the age of 18. With the help of some powerful self-discovery tools he began a conscious journey into himself to release blocked emotional energy and become aware of his limiting beliefs and genuine needs. There's a lot of heartfelt sharing in this episode. I share some of the fears I've encountered on my own journey to self-expression, and Tim shares the tools he's used to create the enriching and dynamic life which is unfolding before him everyday. Tim's life is flowing with creativity, authentic relationships, and expansive personal growth that's taking place at an exponential rate. - The first time I met Tim I was blown away by his solid sense of Self and I noticed he wasn't looking to anyone ...


Tim hanging out with some feathered friends

Tim's life is flowing with creativity, authentic relationships, and expansive personal growth that's taking place at an exponential rate.

The first time I met Tim I was blown away by his solid sense of Self and I noticed he wasn't looking to anyone to see how he should act or what he should do next; he was simply and completely just being himself.

During our conversation I discovered Tim hasn't always lived a life of such grounded flow. He experienced a big shift in his life at age 14 and then again at the age of 18. With the help of some powerful self-discovery tools he began a conscious journey into himself to release blocked emotional energy and became aware of his limiting beliefs and genuine needs.

There's a lot of heartfelt sharing in this episode. I share some of the fears I've encountered on my own journey to self-expression, and Tim shares the tools he's used to create the enriching and dynamic life which is unfolding before him everyday.

Show Highlights and Takeaways

How Do You Comfort Yourself?


* Tim: I found some tools at the beginning of my journey and they’re still helping me. They were part of a big life change for me (The Four Agreements, Non-Violent Communication and The Relationship Triangle.)
* One of The Four Agreements is Don’t take anything personally. I’m not looking for confirmation or external-validation. In this way I’m not dependent on people finding me good enough, interesting enough or genuine enough. I try to provide this self-worth for myself.
* I have a really good relationship with myself. I’m my own really good buddy. And I respect myself as I would do with a really good friend.
* The relationship I have with myself is vibrant and authentic. And this relationship has welcomed me through the experiences along my journey.
* Non-violent communication was also a big tool. It’s helped me understand my needs and how I express them.
* These tools have allowed me to feel happy, content, genuine and confident. I play with all three of these tools.


How Do You Have an Authentic Connection With Yourself?


* Tim: Being aware of my needs and how to satisfy them in a healthy and direct way. Not looking for people to satisfy what I’m looking for.
* I also have boundaries. There are some things I won’t accept and won’t let other people do to me. It’s how I value myself and what do I accept from myself and others.
* Being aware of my needs and setting up boundaries. In this healthy space I have enough room to feel free to do what I want in a respectful way, in a way which is respectful to myself and others. Allowing the space for my feelings. If I feel sad it’s fine and I’ll allow myself to cry if I need to.
* I welcome myself as much as possible, in an unconditional way. Love without conditions.


How Do You Become Aware of Your Needs Without a Sense of Your Self?


* Ben: I remember when I had such low self-worth that a sense of Self felt non-existent. I didn’t have any concept of myself at all. It was very hard to even begin to understand what my needs were when I didn’t even know there was a self inside me to listen to.
* Tim: Feelings. How do you feel?]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 57:40
020: Living a Self-Empowered Life – Coming Back to Self https://bisforbeing.com/p/020-coming-back-to-self Sat, 20 Aug 2016 21:00:16 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1286 https://bisforbeing.com/p/020-coming-back-to-self#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/020-coming-back-to-self/feed 0 Completely owning our thoughts and feelings is one of the most liberating things we can experience. Without a dependency on external events to make us feel a certain way we are empowered to create a life driven and validated completely from our Selves. But it's difficult to feel self-empowered without a grounded foundation within our Selves. In this episode I look at how we can develop our Self-integrity and trust so we can begin owning our inner-experiences and removing our sense of value from the outcomes of external events. Completely owning our thoughts and feelings is one of the most liberating things we can experience. Without a dependency on external events to make us feel a certain way we are empowered to create a life driven and validated completely from our Selves....


Completely owning our thoughts and feelings is one of the most liberating things we can experience. Without a dependency on external events to make us feel a certain way we are empowered to create a life driven and validated completely from our Selves. But it's difficult to feel self-empowered without a grounded foundation within our Selves.

In this episode I look at how we can develop our Self-integrity and trust so we can begin owning our inner-experiences and removing our sense of value from the outcomes of external events.



Show Highlights and Takeaways


* When we see an event unfolding before us it’s easy to connect our feelings to the external event and believe that it is the event which is making us feel this way instead of our own feelings.
* Our thoughts and feelings are ours. They don’t belong to anyone else.
* When we completely own our internal experiences we no longer seek to blame any external event (person, place or thing) for how we’re feeling.
* Building a strong sense of Self is about listening to what’s going on inside you and honouring what you find with affirmative action.
* It is the action which is important. By taking action we are saying, “Yes, my inner-experiences (thoughts and feelings) are important.”
* Every time we take affirmative action for ourselves we are building trust for ourselves, and our ability to take care of ourselves.
* When we don’t take action on what we are aware of within our Selves, our Self-trust weakens as we are ignoring how we feel.
* If we don't trust that we can take care of ourselves it's easy to look toward external sources to take care of us, instead

* We can be with our thoughts and feelings simply by being with them. Not having a preference for the feelings which are there to go away or become stronger - we can simply be with whatever is there and watch it pass away when it does.


Coming Back to Our Selves


* There are different ways we can return to our inner-experience and strengthen our sense of Self-trust and integrity.
* Stop looking in the mirror - For 7days stop using a mirror to check if you’re still looking good or not. If you do need to use a mirror, use it functionally. (checking if your face is clean, etc.)
* Spend dedicated time with your Self - Take 1 hour out of your week to do something you love. No one else is allowed to come with you. Make a short list of some of the things you would like to do. If you’re really stuck, just take yourself for a walk in nature.
* Give your Self the space and time to complete tasks - Listen to when you would like to complete a task. You don’t always need to react immediately to incoming text messages, phone calls, emails. Give yourself the permission to take action when you’re ready. You’re allowed.
]]>
Benjamin Hammersley 18:49
019: Understanding Trauma Through Meditation and Mindfulness – A Talk with Anton Eastick https://bisforbeing.com/p/019-understanding-trauma-anton-eastick Sat, 13 Aug 2016 21:00:05 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1284 https://bisforbeing.com/p/019-understanding-trauma-anton-eastick#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/019-understanding-trauma-anton-eastick/feed 0 An experienced insight meditation teacher and psychotherapist, Anton Eastick carries a wealth of information about the workings of the mind and the effect trauma has on our lives. Coming from a Buddhist philosophy, Anton offers unique insights about the nature of trauma and how we can begin to understand and move through it using meditation and mindfulness techniques. I’ve experienced huge benefits in well-being from meditation and remaining aware of the thoughts and emotions I feel in my body. But I wanted to dive deeper with Anton to find out how the practice of meditation and mindful ‘watching’ actually works to heal our past traumas and brings us into a space where authentic action is possible – responding solely and uniquely to the moment in front of us. An experienced insight meditation teacher and psychotherapist, Anton Eastick carries a wealth of information about the workings of the mind and the effect trauma has on our lives. - Coming from a Buddhist philosophy,


Anton Eastick

An experienced insight meditation teacher and psychotherapist, Anton Eastick carries a wealth of information about the workings of the mind and the effect trauma has on our lives.

Coming from a Buddhist philosophy Anton offers unique insights about understanding trauma and how we can begin to move through this trauma using meditation and mindfulness techniques.

I’ve experienced huge benefits in well-being from meditation and remaining aware of the thoughts and emotions I feel in my body. But I wanted to dive deeper with Anton to find out how the practice of meditation and mindful ‘watching’ actually works to heal our past traumas and brings us into a space where authentic action is possible – responding solely and uniquely to the moment in front of us.

Show Highlights and Takeaways

The Nature of Trauma


* Trauma can be caused by an experience that was too much for us to handle. We deal with those experiences in a way that allows us to move on and remain functional in life.
* Trauma can be caused by a big event or smaller subtler events which could be ongoing.
* Being able to express ourselves after a traumatic experience can prevent us from holding onto the trauma in our bodies.
* A traumatic experience doesn’t necessarily lead to an internal holding of trauma.
* Animals don’t often carry trauma within their bodies as they shake off intense experiences which is a form of expressing the feelings within the body.
* Dealing with past traumas, we need to find a way to access the original feeling and express it.


Anger and Aggression


* Anger can be separated from Aggression.
* Anger holds a lot of energy which can be expressed in constructive ways.
* Aggression is destructive and usually involves trying to overpower someone - “I’m right, you’re wrong.”


Meditation and Mindfulness for Healing Trauma


* When meditating on our breathing we can include the whole body in the experience, instead of remaining in the head.
* There is nothing permanent about our thoughts and ideas about life.
* When we come into the experiences of the body and accept everything we find as it is, we can start to notice the habitual patterns of our minds.
* The body has it’s own wisdom. It will tell us know what foods to eat or not to eat, how it likes to be treated or not.
* There’s no set process for dealing with our trauma. It’s a unique process for every individual.
* Staying within our bodies at the sensation level and accepting what we find as it is we give these feelings the space to express themselves.
* Over time, watching our thoughts and feelings leads us to dis-identifying with the habitual reactions we have and weakens the hold they have on us.
* The healing process is not just about the impersonal watching of our thoughts and feelings. It’s about responding (expressing ourselves) in a way that is true to the moment from the unconditioned space that impersonal watching provides.


Mentioned in this Episode


* The Dharma Path (Anton’s Website) Retreats and Psychotherapy
* Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
* Peter Levine (biography) - A deeper understanding of trauma
* clean 80:11
018: Uncovering Your Inner-Voice and Living True to Your Passion – A Talk with Peter Sharp https://bisforbeing.com/p/018-uncovering-inner-voice-peter-sharp Sat, 06 Aug 2016 21:00:43 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1241 https://bisforbeing.com/p/018-uncovering-inner-voice-peter-sharp#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/018-uncovering-inner-voice-peter-sharp/feed 0 Self-described as a 'peacemaker', Peter brings members of the public together through social actions–like dancing on a train–to show us that we’re not bound by the stories and expectations of our society, our family or our friends. In fact quite the opposite. The message is: we can, and will, create our own unique story. A story true to our inner-calling, a story which both fulfills us and inspires the rest of humanity to do the same. I had to know what Peter’s own journey had been so far and how he’d discovered his inner-voice. We sat down and dived right into his early years and the things which needed to happen before he could start blazing his own path in life. This episode is packed full of the good stuff. Self-described as a 'peacemaker', Peter brings members of the public together through social actions–like dancing on a train–to show us that we’re not bound by the stories and expectations of our society, our family or our friends.


Peter Sharp speaking at TEDxPerth

Self-described as a 'peacemaker', Peter brings members of the public together through social actions–like dancing on a train–to show us that we’re not bound by the stories and expectations of our society, our family or our friends. In fact quite the opposite.

The message is: we can, and will, create our own unique story. A story true to our inner-calling, a story which both fulfills us and inspires the rest of humanity to do the same.

I had to know what Peter’s journey was before founding The Liberators International, and how he’d discovered his own inner-voice. We dive right into his early years and the things which needed to happen before he could start blazing his own path in life.

This episode is packed full of the good stuff.

Show Highlights and Takeaways

Childhood


* Being teased in childhood happens quite a lot. Knowing that you are full and amazing already takes the charge out of what other people say because you know what they’re saying isn’t true.
* Our differences are part of the unique people we are. Embracing our differences is an empowering thing to do.


Where Do You Feel Humanity Is at Now?


* Peter: I feel humanity is at a crossroad. We are being called to collectively rethink how we do things, or to put our heads under the sand and keep doing what we’re doing.
* I feel that more and more of us are waking up to another path, to change the story that the Earth is on right now.
* Much of humanity is emotionally and mentally consumed in maintaining yesterday’s story: “I need to keep working because I want to provide my family with the best future possible.”
* We are just figuring out that we live on a finite planet. You can’t have infinite growth on a finite planet.
* We’re a bit stuck as a race because we’re surrounded by the messages of yesterday’s story - which is about gaining material wealth and success.
* More of us are realising that we need to help the Earth.
* A forest doesn’t grow excessively in a few places and not at all in others, it grows together as one forest.


How Did The Liberators Start? What Needed to Happen Before You Started Dancing on the Train?


* Peter: I first needed to truly discover myself.
* I didn’t know what I wanted to do or what I wanted to become. I just knew I wanted to discover my passion. I knew ‘passion’ existed but I wasn’t exactly sure of what it was. I wanted to feel excited to get up in the morning and start working.
* I moved to Barcelona and spent a month and a half in complete silence. I discovered that in my own space I was able to find myself. I slowly started to quieten my mind.
* I realised in my own country with my own friends and family there were all of these social expectations, “How’s the job going? How’s the Uni degree going?” And it’s so easy to get lost in that.
* “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself not the life others expected of me.” –The biggest regret of the dying. I heard those words in the silence and knew that I didn’t want to get to the end of life and realise I was living someone else’s dream.
* I looked around and saw almost everybody focused primarily on earning money. I didn’t see enough inspiring role models who were standing up for what they truly believed in that wasn’t just about making money. So I started creating these actions.


How Did It Feel When Your Inner-Voice Was Coming Through?


* Peter: It felt like a distant telephone call. In that silence I was able to hear that call. I was able to pickup that phone and start listening to w...]]>
Benjamin Hammersley yes 70:37
017: Self-Liberation and the Search for a ‘Whole Relationship’ https://bisforbeing.com/p/017-self-liberation-and-whole-relationships Sat, 16 Apr 2016 21:00:00 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com?p=1197&preview_id=1197 https://bisforbeing.com/p/017-self-liberation-and-whole-relationships#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/017-self-liberation-and-whole-relationships/feed 0 Amendment notice: This interview has been amended for the purposes of anonymity. I spoke with a member of The Liberators at this year’s Blazing Swan. The Liberators International is an organisation which creates flash mob events around the world to remind people of our shared human connection and the ability we all have to express ourselves authentically. Initially we were talking about the things we’d like to let go of, but the conversation naturally opened to include much more than that. In this episode he shares his journey of self-liberation and how he’s moved through some of his strongest insecurities around body image and dancing in public, and realised his fears were nothing more than social conditions which he had accepted as the definite way to behave. We also talk about forming ‘whole-relationships’ where neither individual is needed by the other to feel complete, but instead both people support each other’s growth and development while staying true to their own needs and personal interests. Amendment notice: This interview has been amended for the purposes of anonymity. - I spoke with a member of The Liberators at this year’s Blazing Swan. - The Liberators International is an organisation which creates flash mob events around the world ...


Amendment notice: This interview has been amended for the purposes of anonymity.


I spoke with a member of The Liberators at this year’s Blazing Swan.

The Liberators International is an organisation which creates flash mob events around the world to remind people of our shared human connection and the ability we all have to express ourselves authentically.

Initially we were talking about the things we’d like to let go of (episode 016), but the conversation naturally opened to include much more than that.

In this episode he shares his journey of self-liberation and how he’s moved through some of his strongest insecurities around body image and dancing in public, and realised his fears were nothing more than social conditions which he had accepted as the definite way to behave.

We also talk about forming ‘whole-relationships’ where neither individual is needed by the other to feel complete, but instead both people support each other’s growth and development while staying true to their own needs and personal interests.

Show Highlights and Takeaways

Self-Liberation


* 04:44 Liberator: One-by-one I always challenged myself to go through the next boundary and liberate myself from it. You realise that all of this [the boundaries] is just a social condition that exits among people. It’s something that can easily dissipate once your brain realises that these are just artificial conditions that exist in society rather than something that is inherently wrong or right, good or bad.
* Being in a space where you feel safe and supported helps tremendously in exploring the space outside your boundaries.


The Search for a ‘Whole Relationship’


* 14:37 Liberator: The space that I’d like to be in is a relationship where both very whole people, who are quite satisfied with their lives and individually dependent, are not in need for another person to fill in any gaps. From what I’ve observed, people who require another person to make them whole, these relationships seems to end easily and cause a lot of pain. The people who are more whole [self-dependent] seem to be in a relationship for longer.
* 16:17 Benjamin: I imagine it as two trees growing. If one tree is leaning on the other tree, that tree can’t grow straight and tall because it’s supporting the weight of the other tree. But when both trees grow individually they can grow the tallest and strongest.
* 17:06 Liberator: Yeah, trees can grow together and feed each other, go on a journey together, and foster each other’s growth rather than impeding or taking it from each other.
* It’s possible to be completely content with good friends and a happy family life and not feel the need for a relationship.
]]> Benjamin Hammersley clean 27:04 016: ‘What Would You Like to Let Go Of?’ Blazing Swan 2016 (Adventure Episode) https://bisforbeing.com/p/016-what-would-you-like-to-let-go-of Sat, 09 Apr 2016 21:00:27 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1177 https://bisforbeing.com/p/016-what-would-you-like-to-let-go-of#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/016-what-would-you-like-to-let-go-of/feed 0 I attended Blazing Swan this year and interviewed people anonymously with the intention of providing an open space for the open expression of fears, doubts and insecurities which may be causing some tension within. From my experience, taking the time out to acknowledge these inner-tensions has helped me bring more ease and clarity to what's going on inside me, and has allowed me to go on to enjoy more connected and authentic interactions with myself and those around me. I was so surprised at how openly people were sharing with me that I began to share some really deep conflicts of my own. There are quite a few vulnerable moments in this episode. I attended Blazing Swan this year and interviewed people anonymously with the intention of providing an open space for the open expression of fears, doubts and insecurities which may be causing some tension within. - From my experience,


I attended Blazing Swan this year and interviewed people anonymously with the intention of providing an open space for the open expression of fears, doubts and insecurities which may be causing some tension within.

From my experience, taking the time out to acknowledge inner-tensions I may be carrying has helped me bring more ease and clarity to what's going on inside me, and has allowed me to go on to enjoy more connected and authentic interactions with myself and those around me.

I was so surprised at how openly people were sharing with me that I began to share some really deep conflicts of my own.

There are quite a few vulnerable moments in this episode.

Show Highlights and Takeaways

There were a lot of questions which came up and not many definitive answers. So here are some of the insights which came through what was shared and my general experiences of the festival:


* Openly sharing how we are feeling shows others it’s OK to share openly as well.
* We are not alone with our inner-difficulties. Everyone is dealing with fears, doubts and insecurities.
* The depth of every person is so easily overlooked because we can’t easily perceive their inner-environment (their thoughts and feelings.)
* Our experience is what we make it. We decide the experience we will have by what we choose to focus on and give energy to.
* We can choose to move through negativity with compassion and understanding.
* The things we are struggling with are a reflection of our inner-environment. We are thinking and feeling this way for a reason.
* There is an inherent ease and flow in nature which we are a part of, as natural beings.
]]>
Benjamin Hammersley 36:14
015: Doing the Things We Love Despite Our Fears of Messing Up (Adventure Episode) https://bisforbeing.com/p/015-doing-the-things-we-love-despite-our-fears-of-messing-up Sat, 27 Feb 2016 21:00:51 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1135 https://bisforbeing.com/p/015-doing-the-things-we-love-despite-our-fears-of-messing-up#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/015-doing-the-things-we-love-despite-our-fears-of-messing-up/feed 0 Being afraid to make mistakes can keep us from taking action on things we want to create, the places we want to explore and the people we'd like to connect with. Knowing that we can generate our own sense of value and that our value is constant no matter how many mistakes we make can help us move forward into the world unrestricted by the fear we could mess things up. In the first Adventure Episode of the podcast, I ride towards a lighthouse on Rottnest Island and take a look at the dynamics of this fear and share some of the techniques I've found helpful in re-discovering my inner-value which remains unchangeable by any external circumstance. Being afraid to make mistakes can keep us from taking action on things we want to create, the places we want to explore and the people we'd like to connect with. - Knowing that we can generate our own sense of value and that our value is constant no m...


Being afraid to make mistakes can keep us from taking action on things we want to create, the places we want to explore and the people we'd like to connect with.

Knowing that we can generate our own sense of value and that our value is constant no matter how many mistakes we make can help us move forward into the world unrestricted by the fear we could mess things up.

In the first Adventure Episode of the podcast, I ride towards a lighthouse on Rottnest Island and take a look at the dynamics of this fear and share some of the techniques I've found helpful in re-discovering my inner-value which remains unchangeable by any external circumstance.

Show Highlights and Takeaways

Making Mistakes


* We aren’t afraid of making the mistake itself (messing up our lines, getting the answer wrong, etc.)
* We are afraid of our value decreasing once we’ve made the mistake.
* It is not possible to go through life and not make a mistake.
* We learn from making mistakes.
* We don’t grow and learn through perfection, we learn through messing up.


We Were Told That Our Value Can Change


* We grew up being told that our value is determined by the things outside us – praise, success, material possessions.
* We think our value is changeable depending on our failures and successes, and the judgements of others.
* We have been conditioned to think that we are of less value, broken, stupid or faulty when we make a mistake.


Looking to External Sources for Validation


* There’s nothing inherently bad about receiving external validation. It’s nice to be acknowledged by others.
* But when our primary means of defining our sense of value comes from outside of us, then we will only take action that keeps this validation coming, and not take action on the things which may decrease or stop this validation.


Breaking the Cycle of External Validation


* Our fear of making mistakes will continue to be there for as long as we look to external forms of validation as our primary way of feeling good.
* Deriving our own sense of value from inside ourselves allows us to step out into the world regardless of the mistakes we might make as we know that whatever happens, good or bad, the results aren’t a reflection of our inner value.
* Becoming aware of the actual consequences of making a mistake can make us aware of the reality of the situation, and show us our fears of the unrealistic consequences we think might occur.
* We can ask: What are the actual consequences going to be if I mess this up?


Coming Back to Our Natural State


* We are unique and ultimately incomparable with any other thing.
* If we feel less valuable, then we will feel less valuable. However, this feeling has no affect on our fundamental value, on our fundamental uniqueness.
* When we experience our inner-value for ourselves (not intellectually but directly), we know that no mistake can ever decrease our worthiness.
* Spending time in nature can remind us of this natural state which is not determined by external conditions.
* By becoming aware of all the parts that make us up (our hair, our skin, our bones, muscles, eyes, thoughts, feelings) and then asking ourselves: Where is it that my sense of value is located?


The First Adventure Episode – What Did You Think?

Is there something you think I could improve on? Let me know! I would be glad to hear from you.]]>
Benjamin Hammersley 20:20
014: Making It Easier to Step Outside Your Comfort Zone https://bisforbeing.com/p/014-making-it-easier-to-step-outside-of-your-comfort-zone Sat, 13 Feb 2016 21:00:09 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1109 https://bisforbeing.com/p/014-making-it-easier-to-step-outside-of-your-comfort-zone#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/014-making-it-easier-to-step-outside-of-your-comfort-zone/feed 0 Comfort zones are great! But when we feel stuck due to the fear of experiencing something unfamiliar, our sense of well-being suffers as we aren’t able to grow and develop in accordance with our natural drives to create, explore and experiment. Just being aware of the ways we can become stuck from taking action can help us readjust how we approach unfamiliar experiences and make it easier for us to step outside our comfort zones. Comfort zones are great! But when we feel stuck due to the fear of experiencing something unfamiliar, our sense of well-being suffers as we aren’t able to grow and develop in accordance with our natural drives to create, explore and experiment. -


Comfort zones are great! But when we feel stuck due to the fear of experiencing something unfamiliar, our sense of well-being suffers as we aren’t able to grow and develop in accordance with our natural drives to create, explore and experiment in the world around us.

Just being aware of the ways we can become stuck from taking action can help us readjust how we approach unfamiliar experiences and make it easier for us to step outside our comfort zones.

Show Highlights and Takeaways

What is a Comfort Zone?


* An environment where we feel safe due to a low level of stress and predictable experiences.
* It's good to have a comfort zone and it’s not a bad thing to be inside it. However, always staying in our comfort zone isn’t in alignment with our natural drives for growth and development.
* We need to encounter unfamiliar experiences to grow.


How We Keep Ourselves Stuck


* The belief “I’m not good enough” can increase the difficulty of stepping into unfamiliar circumstances, as we are approaching the new experience from a base of inadequacy.
* We can become so comfortable in our comfort zone that any step outside of it seems incredibly difficult.
* When we don’t acknowledge the uncomfortable situations we have already come through, we overlook the fact that we have a track record of working through unfamiliar experiences and that we are capable of doing so.


A Bit of Stress Helps Us Grow, a Lot of Stress Shuts Us Down


* Growth happens when we experience an unfamiliar situation.
* The unfamiliar situation provides a certain level of stress which causes us to bring all of the knowledge and skills we have acquired from previous experiences to the current situation. This causes us to grow and increases the size of our comfort zone once we have come through it.
* If there is too much stress then we feel overwhelmed and aren’t able to deal with the new situation effectively.
* We shut down from too much unfamiliar stimulus and can leave the experience feeling discouraged to try again.


Taking it Step by Step


* When we take gradual steps outside of our comfort zone we allow ourselves to grow gradually, and our comfort zone naturally increases as we become more familiar with the unfamiliar.
* Each step can be a gentle step away from our comfort zone.
* There's no need to take huge leaps into unfamiliar experiences.
* As we grow, these gentle steps allow us to step into situations which are full of unfamiliar experiences as every step has built upon the growth we’ve encountered previously.


Crossing the Threshold


* Crossing the threshold is always the hardest part to stepping outside your comfort zone.
* The threshold exists between your comfort zone and the unfamiliar experience you're about to step into.
* It feels so difficult to cross because we imagine all the 'uncomfortable things' that might await us on the other side.
* Once we’ve stepped out of our comfort zone and into the new situation there is less stress as we are able to deal with the real situation with our actual knowledge and skills, and not the one we imagined might happen.
* Knowing that crossing the threshold is always the hardest part allows us to cross it anyway knowing that it's completely normal to feel this way.


We Can’t Compare Our Steps to Someone Else’s


* The steps you take outside your comfort zone are unique to you.
* Whether we think we are taking big steps or small steps, it is not possible to compare the steps we are taking with the steps we think s...]]>
Benjamin Hammersley 23:42
013: “I’m Not Good Enough and I Need to Be Better.” https://bisforbeing.com/p/013-im-not-good-enough Sat, 06 Feb 2016 21:00:56 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1080 https://bisforbeing.com/p/013-im-not-good-enough#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/013-im-not-good-enough/feed 0 Beliefs are powerful. They control our interpretations and reactions to ourselves and the world we experience around us, but often we’re unaware of which beliefs are running in the background of our lives. Most of the time beliefs don’t cause us too much trouble, but in the case of “I’m not good enough and I need to be better,” this belief has the ability to keep us fighting our own natural drive for self-expression and cause us quite a bit of unhappiness in the long run. In this episode I outline why beliefs are so powerful, where this troublesome belief of “I’m not good enough,” comes from, and how we can use our own emotional reactions as tools for uncovering the beliefs we hold – ultimately empowering us to choose to live in accordance with this core negative belief or not. Beliefs are powerful. They control our interpretations and reactions to ourselves and the world we experience around us, but often we’re unaware of which beliefs are running in the background of our lives. -
Beliefs are powerful. They control our interpretations and reactions to ourselves and the world we experience around us, but often we're unaware of which beliefs are running in the background of our lives.

Most of the time beliefs don’t cause us too much trouble, but in the case of “I’m not good enough and I need to be better,” this belief has the ability to keep us fighting our own natural drive for self-expression and cause us quite a bit of unhappiness in the long run.

In this episode I outline why beliefs are so powerful, where this troublesome belief of “I’m not good enough,” comes from, and how we can use our own emotional reactions as tools for uncovering the beliefs we hold – ultimately empowering us to choose to live in accordance with this core negative belief or not.

Show Highlights and Takeaways

Beliefs 101


* A belief is like a self-made lens. We use it to view ourselves and all of our experiences through.
* The lenses we look through are formed from a combination of:

* our unique view of the world, and...
* the beliefs we've previously formed from our past experiences.


* The lenses we look through form our subjective experience of reality.


Awareness of Our Beliefs


* If our beliefs determine the way in which we interpret our experiences, then there is a tremendous freedom of choice that comes with being aware of the beliefs we hold.
* When we are aware of a beliefs we hold:

* We have the choice to interpret experiences through our subjective lenses, or we can...
* Choose to put the lens down and experience via our direct perception of an experience (using our five senses.)


* Negative self-beliefs cause us to interpret ourselves and our experiences through a lens of negativity.


Taking a Closer Look at the Core Negative Belief


* "I'm not good enough and I need to be better," is saying that we are inadequate as we are, and that we need to change ourselves in someway in order to increase our value.

* This belief is at the base of all our other negative self-beliefs: "I'm not smart enough to go to uni, I need to study harder. I'm not attractive enough for people to like me, I need to be more stylish."


Where Does This Belief Come From?


* This core negative belief usually forms in early childhood between the ages of 0-5. These are the most formative years of our lives.
* As children we see our parents like gods. They are all-knowing entities who tower above us, and are the providers of the love and protection we need for our survival.
* When we experience traumatic events as children we almost always blame ourselves for the negative reactions our parents directed towards us. Simply because we have no concept that our parents could ever be wrong, or have any understanding of the intentions behind their behaviour. We just assume it was our fault they got angry.
* We adapt to our childhood environment in a way to keep love and acceptance flowing, and stop painful experiences from occurring, i.e. being yelled at, smacked, criticised, etc. by our parents.


Self-criticism, Doubt and Repression Are Forms of Protection


* We naturally don't want to experience pain. So if an experience in our past has lead to pain, we will change our behaviour so we don’t experience that same pain again.
* Depending on the severity of the pain, we employ a number of techniques, often unconsciously, in order to keep ourselves ‘safe’ from potentially traumatic situations.
* Self-criticism, doubt and repression are some of the most common ways we...]]>
Benjamin Hammersley 34:25
012: The Energy We Invest = the Experiences We Have https://bisforbeing.com/p/energy-invest-experiences Sat, 30 Jan 2016 21:00:35 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=1025 https://bisforbeing.com/p/energy-invest-experiences#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/energy-invest-experiences/feed 0 We shape the experiences of our lives by how we choose to invest our energy. But a lot of the time we aren’t aware of how we’re investing this energy, in ourselves and in other people. Becoming aware of the dynamic between our actions and the resulting experiences can remind us that we decide how we invest, and ultimately, how we experience ourselves and those around us. In this episode I share some of my own realisations from past energetic investments, and take a look at the experiences which occurred as a result. We shape the experiences of our lives by how we choose to invest our energy. But a lot of the time we aren’t aware of how we’re investing this energy, in ourselves and in other people. - Becoming aware of the dynamic between our actions and the result...


We shape the experiences of our lives by how we choose to invest our energy. But a lot of the time we aren’t aware of how we’re investing this energy, in ourselves and in other people.

Becoming aware of the dynamic between our actions and the resulting experiences can remind us that we decide how we invest, and ultimately, how we experience ourselves and those around us.

In this episode I share some of my own realisations from past energetic investments, and take a look at the experiences which occurred as a result.



Show Highlights and Takeaways


* If we plant an apple seed, we’ll get an apple tree. If we plant a pear seed we’ll get a pear tree.
* The type of energy we invest in something or someone can be seen as a seed we’re planting.
* Every time we invest energy in the same emotions and thoughts we are providing more energy for these seeds to grow.
* Newton’s Third Law states: “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”
* The energy we invest (action) will dictate the experiences we have (reaction).
* We invest energy through our thoughts and actions.
* We can invest energy in two main places:

* In our relations with other people.
* In our relations with our self.


* Your intention dictates the quality of the energy you will invest. If your intention is to give then your actions will reflect your intention to give. If your intention is to take your actions will reflect your intention to take.
* We always have the choice of which type of energy we’ll invest – positive, neutral, or negative.
* We can diffuse negative energy from another person by responding with positive, or neutral energy.


Links


* More on Newton’s Third Law
]]>
Benjamin Hammersley 20:45
011: How to Live Authentically https://bisforbeing.com/p/011-how-to-live-authentically Sat, 23 Jan 2016 21:00:23 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=991 https://bisforbeing.com/p/011-how-to-live-authentically#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/011-how-to-live-authentically/feed 0 Without understanding how authentic self-expression works it's very difficult to know what it is and how to go about practicing it. A lot of people talk about being yourself, "Yeah, just be authentic! Just be you!" This is great but how do you actually live authentically? In this episode I break down, plainly and simply, the components that make up authentic expression. I give some examples of what authentic expression looks like and how we can use our fears to uncover our limitless, indwelling authentic flow. Enjoying the Podcast? If you're enjoying the podcast and think it's worth sharing, it helps tremendously if you leave me a review on iTunes (you do need iTunes installed for this). Your review helps others find the show and hopefully they'll also get some value out of it. Enjoy the episode! Without understanding how authentic self-expression works it's very difficult to know what it is and how to go about practicing it. - A lot of people talk about being yourself, "Yeah, just be authentic! Just be you!


Without understanding how authentic self-expression works it's very difficult to know what it is and how to go about practicing it.

A lot of people talk about being yourself, "Yeah, just be authentic! Just be you!" This is great but how do you actually live authentically?

In this episode I break down, plainly and simply, the components that make up authentic expression. I give some examples of what authentic expression looks like and how we can use our fears to uncover our limitless, indwelling authentic flow.

Show Highlights and Takeaways


* The two main components of authentic self-expression:

* Self-awareness - The awareness of what’s going on inside you (thoughts, emotions and physical sensations).

* Self-acceptance - The compassionate acceptance of whatever you find.


* Authentic self-expression occurs naturally as a result of this process.

* We are already authentic. It's not possible for us to get more authenticity.
* Fear is what blocks our authentic flow.
* Our fears come up for a reason. They're trying to tell us something and their intention is to protect us, to keep us safe from physical or emotional pain.
* The quality of your relationship with your fears, will determine how free you feel to express yourself.
* When a fear comes up, sincerely look at what it's trying to tell you. Acknowledge the fear's genuine interest in trying to protect you from experiencing pain.
* The fear will relax once it feels acknowledged and knows that you are aware of the perceived danger it's warning you about.
* Once a fear has relaxed our authentic expression is able to flow more easily.
* Overtime, our authentic flow naturally increases as we progressively move through our fears with awareness and acceptance.


Links and Resources

B is for Being on: iTunes, Facebook, Twitter.]]>
Benjamin Hammersley 27:23
010: Knowing When to Jump Ship https://bisforbeing.com/p/010-knowing-jump-ship Sat, 12 Dec 2015 21:00:42 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=829 https://bisforbeing.com/p/010-knowing-jump-ship#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/010-knowing-jump-ship/feed 0 The decision making process can be used to empower us instead of leaving us feeling confused and stuck, and not having any idea of what we should do. Peter, Sam, Mike and Benjamin sit around the kitchen table to discuss what goes into making big decisions and some of the ways we can make this process easier for ourselves. Getting advice from other people can be incredibly helpful when making tough decisions, but learning how to approach this advice can mean the difference between doing what other people think you should do and doing what you want to do. But sometimes it's not so easy knowing what it is we want to do, knowing which way we'd like to go, or which decision to make and why. In this episode I share a technique which helps me break down tough situations and make decisions which support my personal growth and sense of well-being. The decision making process can be used to empower us instead of leaving us feeling confused and stuck, and not having any idea of what we should do. - Peter, Sam, Mike and Benjamin sit around the kitchen table to discuss what goes into making big dec...


The decision making process can be used to empower us instead of leaving us feeling confused and stuck, and not having any idea of what we should do.

Peter, Sam, Mike and Benjamin sit around the kitchen table to discuss what goes into making big decisions and some of the ways we can make this process easier for ourselves.

Getting advice from other people can be incredibly helpful when making tough decisions, but learning how to approach this advice can mean the difference between doing what other people think you should do and doing what you want to do.

But sometimes it's not so easy knowing what it is we want to do, knowing which way we'd like to go, or which decision to make and why. In this episode I share a technique which helps me break down tough situations and make decisions which support my personal growth and sense of well-being.

Side note: this episode was recorded in Berlin, back in May 2015. Back then I was living in Mitte (the center of the city), so you'll hear sirens and other glorious street noises from time to time - how authentic!

Show Highlights and Takeaways


* Getting Advice from Other People

* It can be helpful to talk to friends and family about the situation we are in as they will often give us a different perspective and different questions about the situation that we hadn't previously thought of.
* Sometimes we can use other people's advice to talk us out of stepping out of our comfort zone to face positive challenges for ourselves which we know will help us grow and progress.
* Being aware of what someone else is bringing to the table when they're giving advice can be helpful in remembering that it's their advice and might not be applicable to your situation.
* We always have the choice to take someone's advice or leave it.
* If we are always following other people's advice, and don't trust that we know what we want (or that we can work it out) then we may end up living according to other people's opinions about what we should do, and not living how we want to.
* Trust that you know what you need, and you know what you want. No one else knows you better than yourself.


* Making A Decision

* It's not possible to make a perfect decision.
* A 100% 'right' decision where everyone's happy doesn't exist.
* We can only make a decision that's good enough. A decision that is good enough given our current level of awareness of ourselves and the situation in front of us. We can't do anymore than that.
* Getting used to making decisive choices on a smaller scale makes it easier when it comes time to decide on the bigger choices in life.

* What would I like to eat now? ... Porridge!
* Do I feel like hanging out with this person right now? ... Yes!
* What do I want to wear right now? ... Purple pants!




* Making a Decision When You’ve Already Invested a Lot of Time and Energy into Something

* The time, energy and effort have already been spent.
* You're making this decision now, in the present moment and thinking about how you'd like to move forward into the future.
* Don't get hung up on the past. Make your decision now, considering what will make you happy.


* Which Questions Are You Asking Yourself?

* The questions we ask ourselves are important. They help guide us to certain areas and realisations which can be laying under the surface of our awareness.

* Instead of thinking about a decision in terms of the right decision and the wrong decision to ...]]>
Benjamin Hammersley yes 34:34
009: Coming Back to Now – Because It’s the Only Place We Can Ever Be. https://bisforbeing.com/p/009-coming-back-to-now Sun, 06 Dec 2015 11:00:57 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=817 https://bisforbeing.com/p/009-coming-back-to-now#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/009-coming-back-to-now/feed 0 Bringing myself back to the present moment has been the number one most helpful thing in just being myself and not feeling like I should be any other way than I am. When I first heard about coming back to the moment, I didn’t understand what it was and how to get there. Where is this ‘present moment’ you speak of? What does it feel like? What's it going to be like when I do get there? In this episode I share some of my experiences with the present moment and how it has dramatically reduced the power of the self-critical thoughts and feelings which were running rampant in my mind and body. I go into the techniques which have been the most effective for coming back into the moment, and take a look at some of the common doubts and difficulties which can show up as you exploring the present moment more and more. Bringing myself back to the present moment has been the number one most helpful thing in just being myself and not feeling like I should be any other way than I am. - When I first heard about coming back to the moment,


Bringing myself back to the present moment has been the number one most helpful thing in just being myself and not feeling like I should be any other way than I am.

When I first heard about coming back to the moment, I didn’t understand what it was and how to get there. Where is this ‘present moment’ you speak of? What does it feel like? What's it going to be like when I do get there?

In this episode I share some of my experiences with the present moment and how it has dramatically reduced the power of the self-critical thoughts and feelings which were running rampant in my mind and body.

I go into the techniques which have been the most effective for coming back into the moment, and take a look at some of the common doubts and difficulties which can show up as you explore the present moment more and more.


Show Highlights and Takeaways


* What Is the Present Moment?

* The present moment is our direct, felt experience of the world.
* Whatever you are thinking and feeling is also part of the present moment. This includes negative thoughts and feelings as well as the positive ones.
* The present moment is always here. It can't ever be somewhere else.


* Things Which Take Us out of the Moment

* Dwelling in memories and thoughts about the past – what happened before.
* Thinking about what could happen in the future - what might happen, what should happen, what shouldn't happen.

* You can always take action, you don't need to sit there like a "now-zombie" and just accepting everything as it is. If something is unpleasant - take the action which you feel is necessary to support your well-being.


* Techniques for Coming Back to Now

* Simply becoming aware that you're not grounded in the moment is enough to bring your awareness back to the present moment.
* Become aware of what is actually going on around you. What is actually happening? What can you see, touch, taste, hear and smell? (Tune into these one at a time, not all at once because you might explode.)
* Tuning into the sounds in your immediate environment can provide a solid grounding in the moment. You can even select specific sounds to focus on to make it easier.
* Look at your hands. How do they feel? Open and close them. Find something to touch, something with texture - run your hand along it and really be aware of all the sensations you feel.
* Focusing on your breath. Tuning into the rhythm of your breath. Not trying to breathe faster or slower, simply observing the breath however it is at this moment.
* We can always use our senses to ground ourselves in the moment. Which is a pretty great because wherever we go our bodies are right there with us and full of sensations.
* Coming back into the moment is about letting go and becoming aware of what is already there.
* As you explore the present moment you'll find your own sense of how it feels and be able to ground yourself more and more easily overtime.


* Common Doubts, Fears and Difficulties

* What if I don't know what's going on around me? What if someone's trying to break in, or trying to hurt me and I just don't realise because I'm completely in the moment? – Being in the present moment doesn't mean you just sit back and watch the world go by. In fact being in the moment allows us to be more aware of what's going on around us and see clearly which is the next step we need to take.
* Trying to get to the present moment can keep you out of the moment. There's nothing we have to do or get to be in the prese...]]>
Benjamin Hammersley yes 32:13
008: A Grand Woozle Wimbie (Talk) with Simon Höfer https://bisforbeing.com/p/008-a-grand-woozle-wimbie-talk-with-simon-hofer Sun, 29 Nov 2015 10:00:34 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=716 https://bisforbeing.com/p/008-a-grand-woozle-wimbie-talk-with-simon-hofer#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/008-a-grand-woozle-wimbie-talk-with-simon-hofer/feed 0 Simon's energy is tricky to describe. Perhaps the best way to describe it is in the form of a recipe: Take one handful of spontaneous joy, a generous portion of raw creativity, and a delicate serving of sensitive curiosity and compassionate caring. (I'm not really sure what sort of recipe this is. It's more of a list of things which describe Simon's energy.) Working and living in Germany, Simon earns a living as an illustrator. He lives a humble yet action-packed life which includes (but is not limited to) rock climbing, art-battles and backflips. But unlike an artistically-gifted mountain climbing hedgehog, he's also published multiple illustrated books which are packed with his flowing creativity, including his most notable book to date – Jackson Norby - a collaborative project between himself and the imagination of Lenn - a four year old child. Why I wanted to talk with Simon. Being someone who has struggled to express myself freely, Simon's authentically flowing self-expression instantly captured my attention. I wanted to know, had he always busted such hustling tunes? (translation: had he always been living so authentically?) or had this been something he'd worked at and developed over time? How did he come to be the way he was? What was his childhood like? And how had that influenced how he interacts with himself and the world around him now? I sat down with Simon and we had a big chat over Skype. This interview really is action packed with gold nuggets of wisdom about childhood, personal growth and being yourself, including sprinklings of spontaneous fun. Simon's energy is tricky to describe. Perhaps the best way to describe it is in the form of a recipe: - Take one handful of spontaneous joy, a generous portion of raw creativity, and a delicate serving of sensitive curiosity and compassionate caring.


Simon Höfer

Simon's energy is tricky to describe. Perhaps the best way to describe it is in the form of a recipe:

Take one handful of spontaneous joy, a generous portion of raw creativity, and a delicate serving of sensitive curiosity and compassionate caring. (I'm not really sure what sort of recipe this is. It's more of a list of things which describe Simon's energy.)


Working and living in Germany, Simon earns a living as an illustrator. He lives a humble yet action-packed life which includes (but is not limited to) rock climbing, art-battles and backflips. But unlike an artistically-gifted mountain climbing hedgehog, he's also published multiple illustrated books which are packed with his flowing creativity, including his most notable book to date – Jackson Norby - a collaborative project between himself and the imagination of Lenn - a four year old child.

Why I wanted to talk with Simon.
Being someone who has struggled to express myself freely, Simon's authentically flowing self-expression instantly captured my attention.

I wanted to know: had he always busted such hustling tunes? (translation: had he always been living so authentically?) or had this been something he'd worked at and developed over time? How did he come to be the way he was? What was his childhood like? And how had that influenced how he interacts with himself and the world around him now?

I sat down with Simon and we had a big chat over Skype. This interview really is action packed with gold nuggets of wisdom about childhood, personal growth and being yourself, including sprinklings of spontaneous fun.

Show Highlights and Takeaways


* Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone

* You have to be interested in your own progress – to want to evolve.
* Personal growth is an individual process. You can't compare yourself to someone else's progress.
* Your comfort zone is your comfort zone. It’s unique and individual to you. It can’t be compared to what someone else is or isn’t comfortable with. It's like comparing apples to albino guinea pigs of the arctic - they just aren't comparable.
* You need to be willing to step out of your comfort zone if you're interested in your self-development and progression.
* Your mind and body will do everything it can to stop you from stepping out of your comfort zone.
* It will always feel ‘bad, wrong, scary’ to step out of your comfort zone.
* Stepping out of our comfort zone often provides us with the most useful experiences we can use for growth.
* “The real sugary things will wait behind the rainbow, my friend.”–Simon


* Taking Breaks

* Working on yourself is hard work.
* It's not possible to work on yourself 24-7. We all need to give ourselves breaks.
* Without taking breaks we burn out and aren't able to enjoy the things we've learned from our previous successes and developments.
* You can enjoy taking breaks more when you know you’re committed to self-progress, and know you've been actively working on yourself.
* When we give ourselves the time to take a break, we are consciously loving ourselves and cultivating our self-relationship. With a loving self-relationship it's easier to go out into the world and explore new and challenging situations and continue our journey of personal growth.


* Choosing Happiness and Joy vs Choosing Sadness and Depression

* You always have a choice about what you focus your energy on.
* But it's not as simple as 'Just choose happiness!'
]]>
Benjamin Hammersley yes 50:46
007: Perfectionism is Selfish https://bisforbeing.com/p/007-perfectionism-is-selfish Sun, 15 Nov 2015 10:00:51 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=643 https://bisforbeing.com/p/007-perfectionism-is-selfish#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/007-perfectionism-is-selfish/feed 0 This week I'm computerless. With no computer to edit, I deliver a raw, completely unperfect, stream-of-consciousness about why indulging in perfectionism is depriving people from experiencing our inherent value. Our unique ideas, insights, creations and expressions. The world deserves to experience that value. This week I'm computerless. With no computer to edit, I deliver a raw, completely unperfect, stream-of-consciousness about why indulging in perfectionism is depriving people from experiencing our inherent value. Our unique ideas, insights,
This week I'm computerless. With no computer to edit, I deliver a raw, completely unperfect, stream-of-consciousness about why indulging in perfectionism is depriving people from experiencing our inherent value. Our unique ideas, insights, creations and expressions. The world deserves to experience that value.



Show Highlights and Takeaways


* Perfectionism keeps us from sharing our valuable ideas and insights with others.
* When I find myself thinking what I'm making isn't good enough, I find it helpful to ask: "Who am I trying to make this good enough for? - Do these people, these ruthlessly critical and negative people, actually exist in the world? - Or am I just imagining them in my head?"
* We can give ourselves the space to make mistakes, to mess-up, to not be perfect.
* When we give ourselves this space to mess-up we are free to create, to experiment, to explore and try.
* Even famous people aren't perfect. They mess-up, make mistakes and aren't funny. But that doesn't mean we hate them. We just think, "Oh they messed up there."
* People don't care as much as we do about what we are making. They aren't looking for the mistakes. They're just interested in what we have to say.
* There is no 100% perfect. It's an imaginary destination that has never (and will never) exist.
* Put yourself out there. Don't deprive the world of your inherent value. You deserve to share yourself with the world, complete with mess-ups, mistakes, amazingness and more.
* Chicken.
]]>
Benjamin Hammersley 27:20
006: The Self Relationship https://bisforbeing.com/p/006-self-relationship Sun, 01 Nov 2015 10:00:49 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=623 https://bisforbeing.com/p/006-self-relationship#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/006-self-relationship/feed 0 When I first heard about the idea of a 'self-relationship' I had no idea what it was. How do you have a relationship with yourself? Do you start talking to yourself, taking yourself for walks, smooching with your reflection in the mirror? In this episode I take a look at my journey with establishing a caring relationship with myself and how it's helped me express myself with less fear and doubt. I also look at some of significant changes I've encountered on this journey: healthier relationships, more grounded and relaxed perception of the world, and some doubts which were telling me I was doing something wrong by taking care of myself. When I first heard about the idea of a 'self-relationship' I had no idea what it was. How do you have a relationship with yourself? Do you start talking to yourself, taking yourself for walks, smooching with your reflection in the mirror? -
In this episode I take a look at my journey with establishing a caring relationship with myself and how it's helped me express myself with less fear and doubt. I also look at some of the significant changes I've encountered on this journey: healthier relationships, a more grounded and relaxed perception of the world, and some doubts which were telling me I was doing something wrong by taking care of myself.
Show Highlights and Takeaways

* How we relate to other people is what determines the quality of that relationship.
* How we relate to ourselves is what determines the quality of our self relationship.
* By ignoring our feelings we are letting them build up – there’s only so much space under that rug.
* Taking care of our emotions can feel confusing sometimes. Treating our feelings the same way we would treat an upset child – with care, understanding and compassion – makes it easier to take care of our upset feelings.
* We build trust in ourselves by being consistent in listening to our feelings and taking compassionate action for ourselves.
* No one else can look after your feelings but you.
* It’s nice to be around people who know how to take care of themselves because you know you can just relax and be yourself as their happiness doesn’t depend on you being a certain way.
* The four main steps to building a caring relationship with your feelings:

* Tune into the moment.
* Become aware of how you feel.
* Ask yourself what you need.
* Take the caring, compassionate action.


* It takes time for relationships to change and evolve with the new way you're relating to yourself.
* Taking care of ourselves is the number one priority, but we should still remain considerate of other people's feelings.
* When people are taking care of their own feelings, this leaves space in a relationship for authentic connection where people don't feel they should be any other way than they are.
* Every thought and feeling is worthy of your attention and deserves to be treated with your care and compassion.
]]>
Benjamin Hammersley 29:48
005: Stepping Out of Negativity by Becoming Aware of Our Awareness https://bisforbeing.com/p/005-stepping-out-of-negativity Sun, 25 Oct 2015 09:00:14 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=563 https://bisforbeing.com/p/005-stepping-out-of-negativity#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/005-stepping-out-of-negativity/feed 0 Our negative thoughts and feelings certainly have a tremendous power behind them. It's easy to dwell on these negative feelings, entering into endlessly looping fears, doubts and criticisms – 'What if I'm not good enough?' 'I should be more ...' 'I shouldn't be so ...'. Becoming aware of our body as a single point of reference where all our experiences take place – thoughts, feelings and sensations – we can use our body's awareness of these experiences to break out of these loops of negativity and take the positive action we desire. Our negative thoughts and feelings certainly have a tremendous power behind them. It's easy to dwell on these negative feelings, entering into endlessly looping fears, doubts and criticisms – 'What if I'm not good enough?' 'I should be more ...
Becoming aware of our body as a single point of reference where all our experiences take place – thoughts, feelings and sensations – we can use our body's awareness of these experiences to break out of these loops of negativity and take the positive action we desire.
Show Highlights and Takeaways

* We are not our thoughts and feelings. We are the awareness behind our thoughts and feelings.
* We can have mental, emotional and physical experiences occurring in our body.
* The body can be used as a single point of awareness for becoming aware of what we are experiencing.
* Our awareness of the negative experiences we are having (as we are having them) is what diminishes the power of these experiences.
* If we were our thoughts and feelings, it wouldn't be possible to become aware of these experiences occurring as we would always be inside them – we would be the experiences.
* We don't need to analyse every negative thought and emotion. We just have to become aware of what we are experiencing in the moment.
* We can direct our attention to other parts of our body (or even outside our bodies - the sounds around us) to get a broader, more objective picture of what we are experiencing.

Your Feedback
A very different episode this week. Let me know what you thought. Did it make sense? Was it confusing? Did I leave something out? Send me an email via the Contact page or get in touch on Twitter (@bisforbeing) - it would be great to hear from you.]]>
Benjamin Hammersley 13:09
004: Codependency, Balance and Trusting Our Intuition – A Walk with Elly Jarvis https://bisforbeing.com/p/004-codependency-balance-and-trusting-our-intuition-a-walk-with-elly-jarvis Sun, 18 Oct 2015 09:00:36 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=560 https://bisforbeing.com/p/004-codependency-balance-and-trusting-our-intuition-a-walk-with-elly-jarvis#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/004-codependency-balance-and-trusting-our-intuition-a-walk-with-elly-jarvis/feed 0 This week I take a walk with Elly Jarvis, theater performer, poet and all-round delightful person. We cover a lot in this episode. We get into co-dependency, finding a sense of balance in life, and sharing what we make with others even if we don't think it's good. This week I take a walk with Elly Jarvis, theater performer, poet and all-round delightful person. We cover a lot in this episode. We get into co-dependency, finding a sense of balance in life, and sharing what we make with others even if we don't thin...
Show Highlights and Takeaways

* Codependency and Self Love

* We look to others to fill our gaps (our feelings of inadequacy.)
* We need to learn to take care of ourselves. To fill our own holes.
* Our worth is not determined by how much time we spend with another person.
* Take time to fall in love with yourself.
* Spend time with yourself journaling, walking in nature, (+ any other nice things you can think of.)
* It can be helpful to minimise (or completely cut out) time on social media. This helps you focus your time on yourself which builds the relationship with yourself.


* Self-Love is a vital piece for our happiness and well-being, however just because we can provide ourselves with love doesn’t mean we should isolate ourselves and become self-loving hermits.

* We need people in our lives for the full human experience.
* It’s about finding a balance.



* Making Mistakes

* Allowing yourself to make mistakes can be the difference between feeling critical towards yourself and feeling accepting towards yourself.
* There’s no right or wrong way of doing things.
* We all make mistakes.


* Sharing Our Art, Sharing Our Selves

* 'Why would people need what I create, what I say, what I think?' - They need what you do because you exist. People need you.
* Even if you share something that’s not interesting to someone, you help them discover what they are interested in and they can go and make that.
* You are not what you make.
* Our inner-critic is just a bunch of thoughts in our head. We can choose to listen to these thoughts or not.


* Finding A Sense of Balance

* We don't need the delicious things in life all the time. We can’t eat all that much of them.
* Spending Time with Others - Knowing when we’ve had enough of a situation, a person or a thing, helps us to take care of ourselves and maintain our own sense of balance.


* Following Our Intuition

* It's safe to trust our intuitive gut feelings.
* Elly - Identify your sources of unhappiness, try different things out and see what feels right. Also, be mindful of any preconceptions or expectations you might be holding about how you ‘should’ or 'should not' be.
* Ben - Allow yourself to go at your own pace. To learn as you learn. To be as you are right now. Be gentle with yourself. There’s no hurry.



]]>
Benjamin Hammersley yes 35:18
003: Childhood, Big Projects and The Different Types of Fun – A Talk with Ira Mowen https://bisforbeing.com/p/003-childhood-tackling-big-projects-different-types-fun-talk-ira-mowen Sun, 11 Oct 2015 11:00:59 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=501 https://bisforbeing.com/p/003-childhood-tackling-big-projects-different-types-fun-talk-ira-mowen#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/003-childhood-tackling-big-projects-different-types-fun-talk-ira-mowen/feed 0 I've struggled for a long time with starting and finishing big projects. I wanted to talk with someone who seemingly doesn't have any difficulty completing big projects. Is it as easy as it looks? What's going on behind the scenes? I sat down with my friend Ira to find out more. Ira and I talk about his early life growing up in Santa Cruz, California. And how his parents' approach gave him the space and support to explore his own interests. Ira tells me about how his long-term project CITIZENSTAND begun and how he's managed to make over a thousand videos for this project alone. We also get into the process behind choosing a project you can commit to, and some of the things we can expect to encounter along the way – including two different types of fun. Ira leaves me with some helpful advice on how to move through the tougher times in life with a simple change in perspective. I've struggled for a long time with starting and finishing big projects. I wanted to talk with someone who seemingly doesn't have any difficulty completing big projects. Is it as easy as it looks? What's going on behind the scenes? Ira to find out more.Ira and I talk about his early life growing up in Santa Cruz, California. And how his parents' approach gave him the space and support to explore his own interests.

Ira tells me about how his long-term project CITIZENSTAND begun and how he's managed to make over a thousand videos for this project alone.

We also get into the process behind choosing a project you can commit to, and some of the things we can expect to encounter along the way – including two different types of fun.

Ira leaves me with some helpful advice on how to move through the tougher times in life with a simple change in perspective.
A special stand VIDEO (#1144) from Ira's CITIZENSTAND project

Show Highlights and Takeaways

* Early Childhood and Parents

* Kids know what they like.
* When parents listen to and support their child's natural interests and abilities they help their child to live as themselves and enable them to feel confident in doing the things they enjoy doing.


* Creating Art (and stuff in general.)

* It doesn't matter what other people think.
* You're making art for yourself. What other reason is there?


* The Different Types of Fun

* Type 1 fun is where you directly enjoying the experience you're having in the moment (creating, listening, watching or swimming in a lake at night.)
* Type 2 fun is fun that doesn’t feel so fun in the moment, but turns out to be the most satisfying and rewarding in the end when you've completed the project or come through the other side of a tough experience. –You grow the most from this type of fun.


* Deciding on Starting a Big Project - some questions to ask yourself:

* Is this something you really want to do?
* Is it going to be fun?
* Are you making it for yourself?
* Are you prepared to go on a journey full of tough times and good times?


* Committing to a Big Project

* Get a clear idea of the project you're thinking about committing to.
* You can always change things along the way. Remember, it's a journey.


* Getting Through the Harder Times

* When things feel really hard, it can be helpful to broaden your perspective of the situation and take a look at the bigger picture.
* Reminding yourself that type 2 fun exists can help you keep going when times are tough.



Ira's Work (just a slice.)

* CITIZENSTAND – "I have nothing to say, and I'm saying it."
* SURF BERLIN
* Some type 1 fun: Ira Stretching with Gayngs (and Minosh, his dog.)
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Benjamin Hammersley yes 35:18
002: Taking Care of Ourselves – A Talk with Anika https://bisforbeing.com/p/002-taking-care-of-ourselves Sun, 04 Oct 2015 11:00:30 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=483 https://bisforbeing.com/p/002-taking-care-of-ourselves#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/002-taking-care-of-ourselves/feed 0 I've found that overtime the relationship with myself has become stronger simply by listening to what I need and taking action on that feeling. In this episode I talk with my good friend Anika about how she takes care of herself and why she feels it becomes so much harder when we’re around our loved ones. We also talk about how our parents show us to interact with those around us, and why getting some space for yourself, away from your family, can be so helpful in discovering a sense of who you are. Anika leaves me with some helpful advice on how not to be a perfectionist so I can get out of my own way and just make stuff. I've found that overtime the relationship with myself has become stronger simply by listening to what I need and taking action on that feeling. - In this episode I talk with my good friend Anika about how she takes care of herself and why she feels it...
In this episode I talk with my good friend Anika about how she takes care of herself and why she feels it becomes so much harder when we’re around our loved ones.

We also talk about how our parents show us to interact with those around us, and why getting some space for yourself, away from your family, can be so helpful in discovering a sense of who you are.

Anika leaves me with some helpful advice on how not to be a perfectionist so I can get out of my own way and just make stuff.
Episode in a Nutshell
(show highlights & quick takeaways)

* Creating a safe space away from family dynamics can allow us to reconnect with ourselves and develop a sense of personal strength.
* We can often feel guilty with our parents because they’ve given us so much we can never repay.
* Guilt isn’t practical. It doesn’t help us feel better, it just makes us feel guilty.
* Sometimes our own expectations are so high they become the reason we feel we’re not good enough for our parents (or ourselves).
* Our parents show us how to interact with the world, sometimes this can lead to personal beliefs which aren't true. (e.g. in my case, not trusting people's intentions because I thought certain people couldn't be trusted.)
* It's safe to trust people by default. Remove yourself if they show you otherwise.
* The way you treat others determines the way others will treat you.
* By trying to make things perfect you can get in your own way of just getting things done. It's ok to allow things to be crappy sometimes.

Send Me Your Feedback
I'm still finding my feet with this whole website/podcast thing and want the information I share to be as helpful as possible. That means sharing information that you find helpful. So if you have any suggestions, recommendations or things you'd like to know more about, please let me know via the Contact page. It would be great to hear from you.]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 30:58
001: An Intro to B is for Being. https://bisforbeing.com/p/001-an-intro-to-b-is-for-being Sun, 27 Sep 2015 01:07:57 +0000 https://bisforbeing.com/?p=405 https://bisforbeing.com/p/001-an-intro-to-b-is-for-being#respond https://bisforbeing.com/p/001-an-intro-to-b-is-for-being/feed 0 So this is it! The very first episode of the B is for Being podcast. It's been a long time coming. I've been planning and preparing for this for months now, but that didn't stop me from being sick during the recording of this episode, so please excuse all the strange swallowing noises I'm making I've always been fascinated by people who were just doing their thing. They wouldn't ask anyone for permission - they were just doing what they were doing because that's what they wanted to do. For a long time I've struggled with the belief that whatever I did wasn't good enough. It has affected almost every aspect of my life: my relationships with others, my creativity, but most significantly, the way I treated myself. I found out that by allowing myself to just be as I am (including all of the negative thoughts) has given me the space to express myself more freely without worrying about what others will think, or whether I'm doing it right. As a result of allowing myself to just be as I am, my friendships have deepened, my creativity flows more freely and I've found myself starting and finishing projects I'd only dreamed of completing in the past - the release of this podcast (and website!) being a testament to that. So this is it! The very first episode of the B is for Being podcast. It's been a long time coming. I've been planning and preparing for this for months now, but that didn't stop me from being sick during the recording of this episode,
I've always been fascinated by people who were just doing their thing. They wouldn't ask anyone for permission - they were just doing what they were doing because that's what they wanted to do.

For a long time I've struggled with the belief that whatever I did wasn't good enough. It has affected almost every aspect of my life: my relationships with others, my creativity, but most significantly, the way I treated myself.

I found out that by allowing myself to just be as I am (including all of the negative thoughts) has given me the space to express myself more freely without worrying about what others will think, or whether I'm doing it right.

As a result of allowing myself to just be as I am, my friendships have deepened, my creativity flows more freely and I've found myself starting and finishing projects I'd only dreamed of completing in the past - the release of this podcast (and website!) being a testament to that.

Episode in a nutshell


* Putting a blanket over yourself can make things sound pretty good.
* Your fearful thoughts aren't inherently you. They've been taken on board from a young age.
* The belief, 'I'm not good enough' affects all your interactions with others and the relationship with yourself.
* You don't need to change or become better. You already amazing so acknowledge that.
* Allowing yourself to be as you are including any negative thoughts gives you the space to just be you.
* Listening to what feels right for yourself and acting on that allows you to feel safe and brings a sense of peace and well-being into your life.
* Living as yourself is the most important thing you can do.


I actually struggled to record this episode. Every step of the way there was a critical voice telling me, 'Why are you doing this?' 'No one's interested!' 'Are you crazy? Yes you're crazy, and now people will know you're crazy.'

There's something pretty ironic about all that as this website is about just being yourself. But I decided to keep going and I got through it. I listened back to what I'd recorded and was surprised - it actually sounds like an introductory podcast!

If you have any questions for me or would like to give me some feedback you can head over to the Contact page.]]>
Benjamin Hammersley clean 9:37