004: Codependency, Balance and Trusting Our Intuition – A Walk with Elly Jarvis


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This week I take a walk with Elly Jarvis, theater performer, poet and all-round delightful person. We cover a lot in this episode. We get into codependency, finding a sense of balance in life, and sharing what we make with others even if we don’t think it’s good.

Show Highlights and Takeaways

  • Codependency and Self Love
    • We look to others to fill our gaps (our feelings of inadequacy.)
    • We need to learn to take care of ourselves. To fill our own holes.
    • Our worth is not determined by how much time we spend with another person.
    • Take time to fall in love with yourself.
    • Spend time with yourself journaling, walking in nature, (+ any other nice things you can think of.)
    • It can be helpful to minimise (or completely cut out) time on social media. This helps you focus your time on yourself which builds the relationship with yourself.
  • Self-Love is a vital piece for our happiness and well-being, however just because we can provide ourselves with love doesn’t mean we should isolate ourselves and become self-loving hermits.
    • We need people in our lives for the full human experience.
    • It’s about finding a balance.
  • Making Mistakes
    • Allowing yourself to make mistakes can be the difference between feeling critical towards yourself and feeling accepting towards yourself.
    • There’s no right or wrong way of doing things.
    • We all make mistakes.
  • Sharing Our Art, Sharing Our Selves
    • ‘Why would people need what I create, what I say, what I think?’ – They need what you do because you exist. People need you.
    • Even if you share something that’s not interesting to someone, you help them discover what they are interested in and they can go and make that.
    • You are not what you make.
    • Our inner-critic is just a bunch of thoughts in our head. We can choose to listen to these thoughts or not.
  • Finding A Sense of Balance
    • We don’t need the delicious things in life all the time. We can’t eat all that much of them.
    • Spending Time with Others – Knowing when we’ve had enough of a situation, a person or a thing, helps us to take care of ourselves and maintain our own sense of balance.
  • Following Our Intuition
    • It’s safe to trust our intuitive gut feelings.
    • Elly – Identify your sources of unhappiness, try different things out and see what feels right. Also, be mindful of any preconceptions or expectations you might be holding about how you ‘should’ or ‘should not’ be.
    • Ben – Allow yourself to go at your own pace. To learn as you learn. To be as you are right now. Be gentle with yourself. There’s no hurry.

The Podcast

The B is for Being Podcast is a collection of conversations with friends, psychologists, and thought-leaders on the most effective tools for uncovering authentic expression and navigating the obstacles we may encounter on the way to discovering ourselves.

About Benjamin

Hi, I’m Benjamin. I podcast and blog about authentic expression and self-discovery. I also make slow-videos for rest and reflection. You can read more about me here.

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