049: Why Do I Stop Sharing Myself Authentically with You?


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I know I do it, but why?

You might have realised by now, expressing myself authentically is pretty important.

I’ve written about it many times on the site, yet I find myself drifting back into not speaking and writing from my current level of knowledge and understanding. I change how I write and speak to sound like I know more than you about the topics I share.

In this episode, I explore the reasons why I stop sharing myself authentically with you, and how my inauthenticity always guides me back to being myself.

Show Notes

Background to This Episode 01:24

  • The way I’ve been talking in the last few episodes wasn’t authentic to me. You probably wouldn’t have noticed it but it’s really important for me because It hasn’t felt like I have been sharing myself in a way that’s true to my current level of knowledge.

I Feel I’ve Been Telling You What to Do 03:57

  • In the last few episodes, I’ve directed instructions at you.
  • Listening back to those episodes, I didn’t feel they were a true representation of me at that point in time.
  • I was talking as a teacher, with a tone of authority as if I knew everything about the subject.
  • I do know helpful techniques for stepping out of fear, anxiety and doubt, but I don’t know everything about these subjects.

I Shouldn’t Be Surprised That I’m Still Struggling With Authenticity 05:28

  • There is no 100% authentic stage for anyone in life.
  • I want to be real when I speak; true to my current level of knowledge and represent that on the outside.
  • It’s ironic that in the previous episode, I spoke about being critical of another person for not being true to their current level of knowledge.

Why Do I Keep Slipping Back Into Not Being Myself? 07:57

  • I’ve written about not being true to myself and spoken about it before but over time, I keep slipping back into it.
  • It starts when I begin doubting the quality of my content is good enough for people. As a result, I begin to overproduce the content.

Authentic Self-Expression Is an Important Theme in My Life 08:59

  • It’s important for me to express what’s inside me truthfully on the outside. I’m not talking about sharing every detail of my life. It’s about me representing what’s true for me in this moment.
  • It feels like I’m lying to people when I present myself in another way to how I’m feeling in this moment. If I present myself as feeling confident and in control when I don’t feel that way, that would feel like I’m lying with my words and actions.
  • When I don’t present myself truthfully, it feels bad to me. So it’s become important for me to work out how to present myself truthfully.

How Does it Feel When You’re Being Authentic? 12:01

  • There’s a sense of ease. There’s a sense of connection with myself as well as the person I’m talking with.
  • There’s a flow to my words and I won’t be stopping and starting as much. I’ll also be listening to the next thing I’m going to say.
  • I feel present with what’s happening in that moment; I’m aware of where I am and what’s going on around me.
  • It’s difficult for someone to know what’s authentic and what isn’t for another person. You don’t know if what I’m saying is true to how I feel inside.

The Ways in Which I’m Inauthentic 14:00

  • When I write in a way which implies I know everything about a subject, or I talk in a way which implies I always use the techniques I share; that feels inauthentic to me.
  • In episode 047: 6 Ways to Be a Friend to Yourself, I presented six techniques which I still fail to take action on sometimes.
  • On the other hand, in other episodes, I share myself authentically with you and allow myself to be vulnerable.

Why Do I Stop Being Myself? 15:53

  • I stop speaking from me when I don’t feel it’s enough to wow you, impress you or make you reflect on the issues you might be having in life.
  • I stop sharing because of the fear of not being enough.
  • When I think about people listening to the podcast, I think more about people criticising what I’m saying and focus less on the people who might be getting value from the podcast.

What I Want 17:48

  • I want to take you on the journeys I take. I want to share that with you, from me.
  • I don’t want to share with you as who I think I should be.

How Am I Going to Change This? 19:55

  • I will speak from me. I will speak from my struggles and my current level of knowledge.
  • There are well-known video producers on YouTube and they have thousands, and sometimes millions of followers. It’s easy for me to think that I have to do what they’re doing to get that many followers of my own. But the opposite is true.
  • Every content creator who has a significant following has found something they’ve enjoyed doing, and kept doing it.
  • When I feel I should produce the podcast in the same way every week (to make it appear that I have a professional podcast) I’ll tune into myself and ask, “How do I want to record this episode? What do I want to talk about?” I’ll listen to how I want to do produce it and then produce it that way.

I don’t want to pretend that I want to create in the same way each week. I want to create while being true to how I’m feeling.

It Takes Courage to Share as Me 24:01

  • If I share myself with you and you don’t like it, there’s nowhere for me to run. There’s no backup and there’s no plan B.
  • I know that just sharing myself authentically doesn’t ensure everyone will like that. Some people will like it and others will find it a bit crazy. But I’m ok with that.
  • There’s a fear that if we’re authentic and it doesn’t work out we’re completely vulnerable to being hurt. While we’re in that vulnerable state, it can feel like we have nothing to protect us.
  • With a self-loving relationship, it’s been easier for me to share authentically because if someone doesn’t like me as me, I still like me as me, and this overrides their judgement by tenfold.

I Discover Who I am By Learning Who I am Not 26:26

  • I know I’ll slip back into being inauthentic many times.
  • When I’m being inauthentic, I’ve wandered off my path and things begin to feel more difficult.
  • My moments of inauthenticity let me know I’ve lost my way.
  • Even when I’m being inauthentic, I’m still on my way to being authentic.

I wouldn’t know who I truly was if I hadn’t experienced who I truly wasn’t.

Mentioned in This Episode

The Podcast

The B is for Being Podcast is a collection of conversations with friends, psychologists, and thought-leaders on the most effective tools for uncovering authentic expression and navigating the obstacles we may encounter on the way to discovering ourselves.

About Benjamin

Hi, I’m Benjamin. I podcast and blog about authentic expression and self-discovery. I also make slow-videos for rest and reflection. You can read more about me here.

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