006: The Self Relationship


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The relationship with ourselves determines how we share ourselves with others, how others relate to us, and how we perceive the world around us.

When I first heard about the idea of a ‘self-relationship’ I had no idea what it was. How do you have a relationship with yourself? Do you start talking to yourself, taking yourself for walks, smooching with your reflection in the mirror?

In this episode I take a look at my journey with establishing a caring relationship with myself and how it’s helped me express myself with less fear and doubt. I also look at some of the significant changes I’ve encountered on this journey: healthier relationships, a more grounded and relaxed perception of the world, and some doubts which were telling me I was doing something wrong by taking care of myself.

Show Highlights and Takeaways

  • How we relate to other people is what determines the quality of that relationship.
  • How we relate to ourselves is what determines the quality of our self relationship.
  • By ignoring our feelings we are letting them build up – there’s only so much space under that rug.
  • Taking care of our emotions can feel confusing sometimes. Treating our feelings the same way we would treat an upset child – with care, understanding and compassion – makes it easier to take care of our upset feelings.
  • We build trust in ourselves by being consistent in listening to our feelings and taking compassionate action for ourselves.
  • No one else can look after your feelings but you.
  • It’s nice to be around people who know how to take care of themselves because you know you can just relax and be yourself as their happiness doesn’t depend on you being a certain way.
  • The four main steps to building a caring relationship with your feelings:
    1. Tune into the moment.
    2. Become aware of how you feel.
    3. Ask yourself what you need.
    4. Take the caring, compassionate action.
  • It takes time for relationships to change and evolve with the new way you’re relating to yourself.
  • Taking care of ourselves is the number one priority, but we should still remain considerate of other people’s feelings.
  • When people are taking care of their own feelings, this leaves space in a relationship for authentic connection where people don’t feel they should be any other way than they are.
  • Every thought and feeling is worthy of your attention and deserves to be treated with your care and compassion.

The Podcast

The B is for Being Podcast is a collection of conversations with friends, psychologists, and thought-leaders on the most effective tools for uncovering authentic expression and navigating the obstacles we may encounter on the way to discovering ourselves.

About Benjamin

Hi, I’m Benjamin. I podcast and blog about authentic expression and self-discovery. I also make slow-videos for rest and reflection. You can read more about me here.

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